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Tuesday, 06 October
This Isn't Funny

Say! Elections are coming up again! Granted, it seems like we just did this--and we did--but these are off-year elections. Who fucking cares, right?

Well, I do. And listen, my tens of readers, you should too, particularly those of you fellow Washington Staters. Because of Referendum 71. (Jesus fucking Christ, give me strength to tolerate the referendum process.)

Here's the (very abbreviated) deal. Last spring, the legislature voted to expand domestic partnership protections. In response to this, a bunch of lying fucking assholes whipped up a frenzy of "OMG the fags want to get hitched!!!!!" nonsense and managed to get any number of mouth-breathers to sign up for a referendum that's tantamount to asking us, "Are you suuuuuure? Because if this becomes law, you might be, you know, a faggot." Voting "no" on R-71 would repeal rights for same-sex domestic partnerships. Never mind that it says nothing about gay marriage. Never mind that the liars are spreading all kinds of toxic horseshit about teaching about gay sex in schools. Never mind that the issue is (once again) being flogged by a bunch of motherfucking ignorant goblins.

Okay, that may be a little over the top. Let me clarify: those who are against same-sex domestic partnership rights are motherfucking ignorant goblins who should be thrown under a glacier. There! Didn't mean to sound cruel.

Look, I'm appealing to you as a friend. Maybe that's overreaching. How about just as someone who would have my back, even if you don't know me? I like to think that, say, if I were hanging out in a bar and some fucking douchebag punched me in the face for no reason, and you were also hanging out, maybe you'd come give me a hand and pull that fucker off of me. I like to think that I'd do that for some poor guy minding his own business in the same situation. I'm not even gay, and this goddamn bullshit feels like getting sucker-punched for sure. After eight stinking motherfucking years of feeling punched in the face every goddamn day during the Bush years, it's getting old. So can a dude ask you--my imaginary friends--to please stand up and give me a hand? Give my friends a hand? Can you help pull these wretched ass-goats out of the fucking bar and help me kick them to the curb?

I mean, for Christ's fucking holy choad, it costs you a stamp if you've signed up for voting by mail. You don't have to go anywhere! You don't have to smell kindly old ladies in vests! You don't have to endure faceless municipal buildings or desiccated church lobbies! And even if you still want to physically travel to your local polling place at the Denny's conference room . . . WELL, COULD YOU, PLEASE? I'm begging you.

I guess I lost my "be nice and ask nicely" tone somewhere. I'm fucking tired of being nice (not something I suppose I'm regularly accused of). But I'll try again. Please, guys, get out the vote. Approve R-71. Stand the fuck up for that nice guy over in cubicle 2043 and his live-in boyfriend. Leslie in HR can use your fucking help. You know these people, right?

Are you tired of getting fucking punched in the face? Are you tired of your friends getting knuckled out? I swear to God I've got your back. Just step up, and there's a whole lot of us who've got your back. Step up.


Note: Comments are closed on old entries.

Comments

Ditto

Comment number: 020291   Posted by: J on October 7, 2009 05:56 AM from IP: 168.178.73.64

I'm pointing up above my head to what you wrote there and saying "Yeah. That."

I wish I lived in Seattle. I live in California, and Prop 8 passed, so the knuckledraggers live here too. Sorry about that.

Comment number: 020292   Posted by: Kit on October 7, 2009 08:05 AM from IP: 70.231.234.2

You, sir, are one of the good ones. Thank you.

Comment number: 020293   Posted by: LeAnn on October 7, 2009 09:49 AM from IP: 69.64.225.212

Good post. But what do I know. I live in Georgia.

Comment number: 020295   Posted by: Bo on October 8, 2009 12:46 PM from IP: 169.137.216.54

Skot for governor!

Comment number: 020296   Posted by: boomer on October 8, 2009 08:40 PM from IP: 67.185.167.154

What is it with these ass-hats getting their panties in a bunch over same sex marriage? Here in California (Home of Nancy Pelosi, who wants your gay daughter to marry her dog!!) we passed Prop 8. We have San Francisco! And Hollywood!! And Disney!! How much more gay can you pack into a state? And yet, somehow, Californians passed a ban on gay marriage. Nevermind that the referendum was bankrolled by the "get-married-all-you-want-as-long-as-they're-preferably-pre-teen-girls" Mormans. Somehow the place that is said to be the most liberal state in the union forbids a certain kind of union.

My point? Mr. K is oh, so right. Go vote!! Vote twice, if you can. But don't think your state won't pass this. They will, because the troglodytes, who think that same sex marriage is legitimized will somehow make them all gay, are more scared than you are. They will unless you stop them.

Comment number: 020297   Posted by: Topher on October 8, 2009 11:19 PM from IP: 76.170.87.239

I'm with you Skot. Unfortunately, I love out in South Dakota, where it's still illegal to even put the any two of the terms "same", "sex", and "marriage" in the same sentence. Sigh.

Comment number: 020298   Posted by: Travis on October 9, 2009 09:31 AM from IP: 151.159.88.28

Oops. That previous line should read "live" out in South Dakota, rather than "love" out there. (I suspect that's also illegal in SD).)

Comment number: 020299   Posted by: Travis on October 9, 2009 09:59 AM from IP: 151.159.88.28

Tens of readers? - no way.. must be hundreds for sure!

Comment number: 020301   Posted by: Emily on October 12, 2009 08:25 PM from IP: 75.72.140.38

Perhaps you would enjoy the Obama Proxy story?

The Obama Proxy

Good stuff.

Comment number: 020304   Posted by: Ryan Bacon on October 20, 2009 04:39 AM from IP: 74.179.200.13

Nicely put, sir.

I also live in California and I am still horrified that Prop 8 passed. Apparently there are ignorant goblins everywhere.

Comment number: 020306   Posted by: Tanya on October 21, 2009 02:27 PM from IP: 216.205.224.10

Yay Colbert!

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/politicsnorthwest/2010145523_stephen_colbert_takes_on_r-71.html

Comment number: 020309   Posted by: kb on October 27, 2009 11:51 PM from IP: 64.38.155.15

Nice post! I also live in California. Good stuff, recommended.

Comment number: 020319   Posted by: on November 13, 2009 05:14 AM from IP: 122.169.57.185

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