skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com
Tuesday, 01 September
Let's Put The X In Horrible Beer Ads
[The Most Interesting Man in the World is shown. He is eating a fox that he has stolen from Polish peasants.]
VO: He will eat your foxes.
Pursuing Polish peasants: Come back! We are starving!
[The Most Interesting Man in the World is shown having sex with Mindy Cohn.]
VO: He will fuck former television stars. Here he can be seen banging the shit out of Natalie from The Facts of Life.
Mindy Cohn: He's got such a bumpy dick! It's like he has cleats for that thing.
VO: He can disarm you with his words. Or his hands. Or his alarming penis.
Mindy Cohn: Seriously, it's pretty terrifying at first, but I really needed the money.
VO: He can speak French . . . in Canada.
Quebec Resident: Yes, it is not remarkable.
[The Most Interesting Man in the World is shown playing a game of contract bridge.]
The Most Interesting Man in the World: I meld these hearts for nine hundred points.
Opponent: Have you ever played this game?
VO: He is clinically insane.
[The Most Interesting Man in the World is shown sticking circus peanuts into his ears.]
Mindy Cohn: He wasn't that rough with me. I've had worse.
VO: He routinely receives barium enemas. Not for diagnostic purposes. He just loves those enemas.
The Most Interesting Man in the World: My asshole, it is a Chernobyl.
Mindy Cohn: I got so tired of those enemas. Talk about no fun.
VO: He is the most interesting man in the world, if you find complete douchebags interesting.
The Most Interesting Man in the World: I don't always drink beer, which seems like the last thing you'd want me to say for a beer commercial, but when I do, I vaguely prefer Dos Equis. They almost never make it out of donkeys any more.
[Final tableau shows Mindy Cohn's mutilated body staring blindly into the camera.]
I really hate Dos Equis' latest ad campaign.
Note: Comments are closed on old entries.
That's exactly what I've wanted to say, but with different words.
Post a comment