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Tuesday, 27 November
Vacation Doldrums

So I don't think I told you guys that I'm on vacation. I'M ON VACATION! And now you know. Not that we're doing anything much; the recent move and also some goddamn fucking leftover medical bills from my recent firestorm of scans, proddings, biopsies, eye-grams, butt-cards and skin harvests have left us a bit skint. We may go down to Cannon Beach for a few days, but other than that, well, we're watching an awful lot of bad movies. Yay!

(NOTE: Transformers is a horrible movie, and not in a good way. This movie will cause your disbelieving mind to prolapse and fall into your GI tract. Don't watch it. And if you're not going to take my word for it, think on this: You might have, at some dark period in your life, actually wished for a giant robot to take a piss all over John Turturro, but strangely, it's just depressing when it actually happens.)

So I'll be a little (read: probably entirely) scarce until December. And speaking of December, did you know that it will mark my five-year anniversary of writing for you, my tens of readers? You know what this milestone calls for? Laziness. And so, in my absence, I present to you some of my old favorites. They weren't necessarily the most popular pieces I ever wrote, but for whatever reasons, they stick in my mind. Enjoy, if possible, and if not, I will be back in a couple weeks to disappoint you afresh.


Thirteen Ways of Looking at Valentine's Day

Elementary School
Andy
The Evening Boringness in the West
The Sounds of Violence
Drink Me
Things I Have Shouted in Belgium
At The River
I, Caregiver
My Bother The Car


Note: Comments are closed on old entries.

Comments

I immediately veered towards "Things I Have Shouted in Belgium", thinking it sounded like it would be fun. It WAS, and it also seemed *slightly* familiar.
Then I saw that I commented on it back in 2003!
That makes me an old time reader. Or possibly just old.

Comment number: 015882   Posted by: Eva on November 27, 2007 09:27 PM from IP: 99.231.253.243

It's rude of you to be so mean about the Transformers. After all, those robot aliens came to our planet, learned our culture and language, figured out how to act, and got themselves into Hollywood. That's very enterprising!!

Comment number: 015890   Posted by: Ld on November 28, 2007 04:53 AM from IP: 66.228.83.169

One obviously overlooked post is my personal favorite: The Tearful Apes. It will make you laugh, make you cry, and then make you wonder why you're lying on the floor with several marshmallows in your ....mouth. Yes.

Comment number: 015892   Posted by: Felt on November 28, 2007 07:44 AM from IP: 137.149.226.197

I saw that movie in a movie theater, which actually cost money. Money that could have spent on something with lasting value, like Q-tips, or Raisin Bran.

Comment number: 015921   Posted by: flamingbanjo on November 30, 2007 11:33 AM from IP: 216.231.38.72

Skot, you're cordially invited (well, as cordially as anyone has ever invited you to anything, you crooked-framed misanthrope) to an online sandwich party. Details are all there in the linked entry.

I know I'll regret this when you turn up with some crystallized-bleach-on-sandpaper sandwich with a caustic lye sauce. Oh, and raw potatoes to snack on. Still. You're invited.

Cordially.

Comment number: 015925   Posted by: Elsa on December 1, 2007 12:40 PM from IP: 4.156.99.34

Transformers is an amazing movie.

There are only three (minor) black characters in the whole thing, and two of them have rude, nasty, beat-up ol' nasty ghetto grannies.

That's TWO nasty, filthy, wretched, uneducated, promiscuous, crack-smoking ghetto grannies.

Every other movie only has one of those.

Comment number: 015927   Posted by: ELF Radio on December 1, 2007 10:50 PM from IP: 74.237.159.20

Five years? I should hope to make it half as long.
I haven't seen Transformers yet, but my five year old assures me that it's good, nearly as good as the original. But then again, he is only five.
Lastly, I love old favorite posts and can't wait for an hour to sit back and read all of these. Fun! Hopefully not too funny, though, in case I steal that hour from work and end up laughing out loud, alone in my cubicle, like a crazy person.

Comment number: 015947   Posted by: superblondgirl on December 3, 2007 06:10 AM from IP: 12.148.18.152

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