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Wednesday, 12 July
Mealy, Gapemouthed Incumbent Challenged By Ratfaced Thing And Rational Humans

Washington
12 July 2006

Nine or ten Liberal Democrats in Connecticut are upset with Senator Lieberman for his strong support for the war in Iraq.

So upset, in fact, that Senator Lieberman faces a strong challenge from fellow Democrat Ned Lamont in a primary election on August 8.

During a recent televised debate, challenger Lamont focused on Lieberman's support for the Iraq war.

"Snapfish Lieberman, if you will not challenge President Bush and his failed agenda, I will," he said.

Senator Lieberman replied, "Did you just call me a snapfish?"

Lamont responded by making a vulgar masturbatory gesture, and then used his index fingers to draw the corners of his mouth into a strange amphibian aspect. Lieberman angrily attacked his opponent, asking, "Hey, what in the heckies?" Which caused the rodential Lamont to visibly roll his eyes and reply, "Whatever, Turtle-Man."

Joe Lieberman has long been one of Connecticut's most dead-end politicians, with a record of appealing to spineless Democrats, ophidiophile independents, and even moderately tolerable Republicans.

But after three six-year terms in the Senate, Lieberman finds himself in a tough re-election battle with a little known challenger, and he is fighting hard to keep his specially-constructed reptile cage, where he enjoys crafting new legislation, tirelessly moralizing, licking his own eyeballs and eating delicious katydids.

The Lieberman-Lamont primary race in Connecticut is getting national attention. Many congressional Democrats who voted for the war will be watching to see to what extent unhappy Democratic voters take out their anger over Iraq on Senator Lieberman.

"This is going to be big," commented local Connectihoovian Rick Budd. "Safeway has a huge discount on tuna." When asked what relevance his remarks had to the Senatorial race, Budd groaned, "Another election already? Jesus fuck." After a brief explanation of the upcoming elections, Budd continued, "I guess I'll vote for Lamont. I don't care. But I like that guy's tomato paste."

This reporter informed Budd that the brand name of his tomato paste was actually DelMonte, to which Budd replied, "Whatever. I don't vote anyway."


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Comments

"Jesus fuck" is one of my favorite invectives, because it's so crude and blasphemous. I've never heard anyone else use it, though. I guess I need another layer of tinfoil on my hat.

Comment number: 007775   Posted by: Squidley on July 16, 2006 12:52 AM from IP: 206.55.252.146

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