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Tuesday, 17 January
Three Days In January
I have been accused before--fairly, I think--of being a little prolix on ye olde weblog here. So, in the spirit of laziness, I present my weekend in thumbnail form.
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
WHAT I LEARNED:
1. Shooting two guns in a Jesus Christ pose is the optimal way to destroy one's kitchen. It is unfortunately a horrible way to kill one's black ops enemies, who sensibly use only one gun to, you know, aim at things. (NOTE: If you are completely gorgeous, these rules may not apply.)
2. Lawbreaking corporations who operate clone farms as organ banks should not build rickety ladders leading to loose floor tiles allowing access to the operating theaters. Additionally, Sean Bean is responsible for ninety percent of the world's cinematic evil.
3. Garage geeks somehow manage to make time travel even more confusing than Star Trek: TNG, which in itself seems to be some sort of paradox, as Star Trek: TNG created garage geeks in the first place with the epochal episode "Quantum Muffler." (This movie was a real ripoff, frankly. Where was Q?)
Washington Redskins 10, Seattle Seahawks 20
New England Patriots 13, Denver Broncos 27
Indianapolis Colts 18, Pittsburgh Steelers 21
Carolina Panthers 29, Chicago Bears 21
THINGS I LEARNED:
1. Nothing. For God's sake, it's football.
2. On the other hand: Tom Brady? Peyton Manning? HA HA HA HA HA HA
3. Before every postseason game, the referees are carefully but forcefully hit in the head with a boat oar. The resultant blindness and confusion only add to the "anything can happen" atmosphere usually reserved for Warner Brothers cartoons. I'm guessing that next week, Troy Polamalu gets his face blown off with a shotgun.
This blog entry
1. It took only about a half hour to write.
2. It is largely devoid of humor.
3. I'll probably return to form in a couple of days.
Note: Comments are closed on old entries.
Every time I see Peyton Manning, I think of the "I'm not a strong swimmer" Martin Short bit from SNL, where he and Christopher Guest were male synchronized swimmers. And Manning just seems like such a great guy, it makes loathing him all the more fun.
You make me laugh
Funny you should mention Primer - just saw it this weeked (thanks netflix!). Awesome. But damn confusing, too. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell happened.
Primer had refreshing, totally intransigent refusal to dumb itself down and spoon-feed explanations. Ordinarily I adore that. But holy poop! Understanding this particular movie is like untangling Christmas lights. Floundering, I found a diagram of its nine separate timelines and a three thousand word précis of its time-travel. What do you think? Too much data to cram into an 80-minute movie?
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