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skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Monday, 14 March
Sylvia Bath

I have done it again.
One day in every ten
I manage it--

A sort of caulking miracle, my tub.
The sour mildew
Will vanish in a day.

I have suffered the atrocity of toilets.
Munge in the bowl
My brush filaments scrub and burn, a hand of ick.

Now I churn up soapstuffs that fly about the tub.
A film of such indolence
Will accompany my bystanding: I must shriek.

Is an art, like everything else.
I do it not terribly well.

I do it so it does not smell.
I do it so it feels clean.
I guess you could say I bought some gel.

Does not my sponge astound you. And my rag.
All by myself I am a schmutz Godzilla
Scrubbing and powdering and brow-dering, flush on flush.

I think I am cleaning up,
I think I may sanitize--
The motes of green Comet fly, and I, toilet, I

Am a pure ammonia
Attended by noses,

By hisses, by effluvium,
By whatever these pink fingers clean.
Dead hands, dead astringents.

There were stains on your white parts
And we tenants never liked you.
We are dancing and showering in you.
We always noticed your goo.
Bathroom, bathroom, you bastard, I'm through.

Wordplay | Skot | 14 Mar, 2005 |

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


Look, I couldn't get it out of my mind. I'm sorry.

Comment number: 005602   Posted by: Skot on March 14, 2005 10:57 PM from IP:

All hail, literary japes! You have turned an afternoon's mildew wrangling into high art.

Comment number: 005603   Posted by: galetea on March 15, 2005 03:16 AM from IP:

Astounding! I take my hat off to you, Skot. Such erudition and on a Tuesday.

My girlfriend refers to my delicious cauliflower gratinee as the ‘Sylvia Special’ because she says it’s a poetic little dish that you can finish off in the oven.

(her words not mine)

Comment number: 005604   Posted by: Lung the Younger on March 15, 2005 03:28 AM from IP:

you are ridiculously funny. thanks for the laughs!

Comment number: 005605   Posted by: bella on March 15, 2005 06:29 AM from IP:

Sorta reads like a eulogy for bathroom scum. Good times.

Comment number: 005606   Posted by: Fissell on March 15, 2005 07:15 AM from IP:

Also, I knew this sounded familiar. Very reminiscient of your Dec. 30, 2002 post about bathroom filth, with less prose. Oh yeah, sorry for reading through the archives. I do that when I get bored.

Comment number: 005607   Posted by: Fissell on March 15, 2005 07:18 AM from IP:

anyone else i would excoriate, but you, sir, i merely shake my littlest finger at.

Comment number: 005608   Posted by: dddg on March 15, 2005 03:32 PM from IP:


Comment number: 005609   Posted by: j on March 16, 2005 06:20 AM from IP:

god in heaven do you make me laugh.

Comment number: 005610   Posted by: art school girl of doom on March 20, 2005 03:52 AM from IP:

That was absolutely briliant. I'm going to show it to all my friends.

Comment number: 005611   Posted by: yensen on March 22, 2005 04:44 PM from IP:

of course I can't spell

Comment number: 005612   Posted by: yensen on March 22, 2005 04:45 PM from IP:

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