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skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Thursday, 17 March
Green Day

Well, in just a bit it will be St. Patrick's Day. (Probably by the time I post this, it will be.) Just what we need: another quasi-holiday giving us an excuse to drink. It's the Cinco de Mayo of the Irish! Let's leave aside the obvious Irish jokes about hard drinking anyway--Americans frankly don't need any excuse anyway. We'll drink on any holiday.

Well, I will, anyway. There aren't a lot of holidays, sanctioned by the gov't or not, that doesn't call for hoisting one. What are the exceptions? Easter isn't a big boozer holiday, I guess, but I'll bet when Jesus crawled out of the damn tomb he was probably ready for a Bloody Mary. Luckily, he had not one but two Marys around to tap. All he needed was vodka and an efficient plan for exsanguination.

I guess MLK day isn't a real barn-burner for the lush set, either; nor Presidents Day. Really, none of the generic Monday holidays are really about celebrating much other than the pure glee of being able to drink to excess on a Sunday night. Well, and remembering icons and memorializing certain dead people, I guess. You always make sure to do that, right?

The generic Mondays aside, the rest of the big holidays are drinkoramas. As a kid, Halloween is all about candy. As an adult, it's about getting loaded and hunting around for chicks in Elvira costumes. Valentine's Day? Wine, chocolate, and fumblesome sex. July 4th? Fireworks are so utterly boring that it's really just impossible not to cast around for a numbing agent. Thanksgiving? It's when you set out all the booze you don't want any more and wait for the desperate to charge. "Loganberry liqueur? Jolly Rancher Watermelon Vodka? Off-brand mezcal? This is it? (Pause.) Gimme one of each."

Do I even have to mention Christmas or New Year's?

I can't face going out for St. Paddy's day any more. Too many amateurs out there slugging down Irish whiskey and Guinness while roaming bands of malicious bagpipers assault the luckless fools with Gaelic wheezes as they wrestle unholy sounds out of their weapons crafted from the lungs of asthmatic sheep. We will bar the door and make some nice stew (the wife's brother is coming over), and we'll just have a quiet night in. Probably we'll get kind of stewed, too.

It's how we show our respect for our Irish brothers!

You seriously don't want to know what we do for Groundhog Day.

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


May the road rise with you, Skot. (and maybe the stew as well, if you’re not careful)

Comment number: 005613   Posted by: Lung the Younger on March 17, 2005 06:51 AM from IP:

Actually, this last President's Day, was a good occasion to marinate the liver well.

Comment number: 005614   Posted by: Jim on March 17, 2005 06:57 AM from IP:

My family has been known to make up our own holidays, just to have a reason to booze. And really, isn't Christmas II that much more special when everyone is sloshed on whisky and hot toddies?

Comment number: 005615   Posted by: Tami on March 17, 2005 03:28 PM from IP:

I'll bet when Jesus crawled out of the damn tomb he was probably ready for a Bloody Mary.

I'm using this as my new sig on the message board I live at.

Comment number: 005616   Posted by: Tracy on March 18, 2005 08:55 AM from IP:

Jesus would have liked a couple of mimosas.
So that is what we do for our pagan easter. lots f mimosas and some food then more mimosas until we run out of champagne then its on to the vodka closet and all of the pretty colorful martini mixers. It wouldn't be easter if I wasn't blitzed while making easter dinner. We might make some margaritas too. Then it will be time to eat all the kids easter candy. Make your own traditions.

Comment number: 005617   Posted by: JudyU on March 19, 2005 08:45 AM from IP:


Comment number: 005618   Posted by: on March 29, 2005 05:28 PM from IP:


Comment number: 005619   Posted by: Cat on March 29, 2005 08:43 PM from IP:

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