skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com
Thursday, 09 December
Hirsute Fruit and Other Concerns
Yesterday at 2:05 PM or so, the wife and I took off from Heathrow airport in London, and at around 3:40 PM, we happily landed at Seatac. Which was puzzling, because the flight certainly felt longer than an hour and a half. We must have encountered some temporal difficulties along the way. I mean, it really felt more like nine hours--actually, watching the last part of Troy seemed to last for weeks, really--and why would they serve us two meals on such a short flight? It's a mystery. And speaking of mysterious, for that second meal, we were served something called a "bap." Specifically, a "turkey salad bap." The word "bap" was ominous enough, but not nearly as ominous as what it actually was: a small sandwich that was filled with, apparently, leftover meat from a burn unit slathered in clotted pus. I left aside my bap and stared morosely at my tiny little TV screen to watch more of Troy, which was itself increasingly unappetizing in a nicely bappish way. I wondered idly if someday an inventive airline chef would create the Troy Bap, which I figured would be popular with the gay crowd. You could do worse than a Brad Pitt/Orlando Bloom sandwich, after all.
I think it's clear that I have not quite recovered from the effects of the trip back. Sorry I'm still a bit woozy. Just one thing before I launch later into more in-depth coverage of the trip:
American bars really must try harder to be more interestingly named. Here in my neighborhood I have such uninspiring establishments as The Deluxe, The Broadway Bar & Grill, The Canterbury, etc. But across the pond, we encountered such delights as The Rat & Parrot (whose mirrors featured etchings of a rat and parrot in seeming combat), the Slug & Lettuce (Yum!), and (my very favorite, and recommended by a Dublin cabbie) The Hairy Lemon. There's something terribly obscene about a mental image like a hairy lemon, especially when you're eating food there, particularly fish and chips. "Care for some hairy lemon with that?" Well, no. In the end, I wasn't able to rationally figure out which was worse: the idea of some mutant lemon-shaped genitalia, or Meadowlark Lemon shaking his loose hairs out onto my fish.
It's good to be back. And we were greeted in absent-friend high style by our friend D., who nicely looked after our apartment while we were gone. He kindly left us a note to greet us, which he wrote on a piece of paper and then used a chip-clip to attach it to a lighting fixture. It read: "WELCOME BACK, DIPSHIT!"
Lord. None of this is very coherent; as I say, we're still trying to deal with the horrific time change and all that. But I do note something . . . this is roughly the second anniversary of this blog. Which seems crazy. It seems sometimes like much longer than that, and sometimes much shorter. And I have a lot of people to thank for it--more than I can name here, but fortunately, I list most of them on that little list of links on your left, so check them out if you want. They're good people, and for want of many of them, I wouldn't be doing this.
Thanks to you all, and to the others who know who they are--
Note: Comments are closed on old entries.
Now taking nominations for the title of "IZZLE PFAFF--YEAR TWO: THE BOOK".
Welcome back, Mr. kurruk (sp?). We. Missed. You.
Yeah, welcome back, dipshit. (I hear Gabe Kaplan's gonna be playing you in the movie. What? Like he's doing anything else.)
Welcome back! Now start posting again, and make it snappy.
Cockneys have a humorous/ignorant habit of renaming things so they sound more familiar. For instance, the neighborhood Elephant & Castle was supposedly originally called "Infanta de Castille" after a Spanish princess stayed there way back when. So The Hairy Lemon probably used to be called something grander -- "The Charlemagne"?
Welcome home :o)
And I feel like I've been coming here for more than two years - I must've found you early on.
Off topic, but I saw "bap" up there and read it as "pap". Wonder how far off I was.. a turkey pap might be make for an accurate equivalent to plane food after all.
Welcome back. We left the country in shambles for ya. :)
And a fine two years it has been (of course I wasn't here for the whole two years, I'm just extrapolating).
Cheers! And to many more.
Thank God you left. Now things can quiet down over here.
God, I've missed you.
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