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Friday, 24 September
I Continue To Prejudge Movies

Mr. 3000

Sports movies are almost always disasters; exceptions like Raging Bull and Bull Durham only emphasize this. (Apparently, if you're making a sports movie, take care to include the word "bull" in your title. Perhaps "Ryan Leaf's Horribe Bullshit Crimes Against Humanity" is a viable project.) This film looks like a bare notch up from such fare as Major League, which is faintest praise at best. It clearly depends on the questionable star power of Bernie Mac, who, while not actively horrible--though I have not seen his sitcom--does not fill one with hope. In the ads, Chris Noth looks entertainingly greasy and weird, but that's a more David Lynchian kind of effect that the film was probably aiming for. Like going to see a Broadway production of "Annie" and then noticing that Daddy Warbucks really has no eyeballs.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

A film that will surely benefit from nonexistent expectations. "Well, that wasn't even close to the worst thing I've ever seen in my life! Huzzah!" Sort of like those old episodes of "Moonlighting" when Cybill Shepherd and Bruce Willis attempted to create chemistry. It was kind of charming in that "Holy Jesus, this is going to be terrible" kind of way.

Nobody on earth will see this movie, and I refuse to acknowledge otherwise.


Kim Basinger preserves a long tradition of mediocre actors who win an improbable Oscar and then who go on to making awful films here. See also Undeserving Award Recipients such as Helen Hunt and the forever cursed Marisa Tomei, who is actually not horrible, but has become the default mascot for Death Oscars.

Apparently, the same mook who wrote Phone Booth also wrote this pile of hooey, as a sort of weird "I boringly see, or perhaps manipulate, both sides of this equation!" As a comment on, well, anything, I'm probably not getting it.

But then again, I thought Sky Captain was a big ball of dumb fun, so what do I know?

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


Chris Noth spent his time on screen smiling. Really. He had these serious scenes where he'd make important decisions with a silly ass grin. It was definitely weird.

Comment number: 005098   Posted by: Mickey on September 24, 2004 02:26 PM from IP:

Yeah, I heard an interview with Charles Stone III on NPR and I was totally surprised at how much thought and time and energy actually went into this film. It seems like slapped together piece of fluff to me, based soley on the trailers and marketing I've seen. Mr. Stone III also brought us Paid In Full and Drumline, so you know...

Comment number: 005099   Posted by: Flipsycab on September 27, 2004 11:32 AM from IP:

I thought In the Bedroom and Slums of Beverly Hills constituted a fair recovery for Ms. Tomei. You may differ.

I don't know why I'm posting to defend the career choices and acting prowess of Marisa Tomei. Some kind of a brain disease, probably. Though I do really like Andre Dubus.

Comment number: 005100   Posted by: Diablevert on September 28, 2004 12:05 PM from IP:

I did not realize that the same guy who created Cellular also did Phone Booth. Talk about your one-trick pony.

I can see his career strech out in front of him: Voicemail, Dialtone, No Signal, etc. However, it's fun to think about what he'll do to try to break out of his rut:

- It's for You! - the musical
- Pigeons - a baroque period piece
- The Adventures of Mr. Morse - a documentary
- Walkie Talkie - a gripping war drama
- Can and String - an indie project
- Carphone - an 80's retro comedy

- etc.

Comment number: 005101   Posted by: Day on September 28, 2004 04:03 PM from IP:

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