INTERIOR. A WOMAN is reclining on a couch. Her attitude is vaguely post-orgasmic. She runs a hand through her tousled hair and addresses the viewer.

WOMAN: Let me tell you about my husband. He's a good man, and I love him. But a few years ago . . . we had . . . problems.

CUT TO: A bedroom. The HUSBAND, naked, is standing by a fully-made bed, staring disconsolately at his apparently uncooperative, wrinkly, flaccid penis. He taps at it curiously, and then waves his arms in a gesture of helplessness, causing his member to wobble ineffectually.

CUT TO: A bathroom. The WOMAN is bitterly sobbing and tossing handfuls of water on her face, which is in a rictus of sexual frustration. She opens a cabinet and hesitatingly brings forth a mighty dildo and stares at it contemplatively. Minor key piano chords underscore the poignant scene as she absently strokes the shockingly pink apparatus.

VOICEOVER (WOMAN): I mean, I won't piss on your shoes and tell you it's raining. It was bad.

CUT TO: Back on the couch. The WOMAN'S face slowly breaks into a gently lascivious smile.

Woman: That's when we found Turgidin.

MUSIC: The raucous opening chords from Aerosmith's "Back in the Saddle" are heard, culminating in the scream, "I'm BACK!"

CUT TO: The bedroom, which looks like it barely withstood a Panzer attack. The HUSBAND is doing an awkward and clumsy dance about the room, clutching his genitals gingerly but happily with one hand, while giving the camera a delighted thumbs-up with the other. The WOMAN lies on the bed, dazed and clearly incapacitated with post-coital pleasure. She drools slightly onto her pillow while the HUSBAND continues to hop around and coo at his revitalized penis.

ANNOUNCER VO: Turgidin. Why not make your poor wife come for a change, limpy?

CUT TO: Virile, confident HUSBAND, cuffs open-buttoned, neck open, twirling about with his wife. The couple exchange meaningful looks.

ANNOUNCER VO: After all . . . shouldn't it be . . . about her?

WOMAN: Thanks, Turgidin! (She smiles coyly while clawing at her man's zipper.)

ANNOUNCER VO: Take Turgidin. If not for your wife . . . then for your mistresses.

CUT TO: Slutty blonde in hotel room. She grins as HUSBAND, naked and startlingly erect, emerges from bathroom. Both grin and laugh.

ANNOUNCER VO: Turgidin. You need boners. We need money. (Hushed, confidential voice) Discontinue use in case of liver spasms, bleeding eyes, or exploding knees. In some cases, Turgidin can cause menses changes, particularly in men. Consult a physician for gender reassignment.