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Wednesday, 03 March
The Worst Of The Best Of

20th Century Masters - The Millennium Collection: The Best of Ready for the World

Bafflingly, the equation "Prince x 5 = 5 Times the enjoyment of Prince" is clearly untrue.

Bonus Amazon customer review quote: "Much love for Ready for the World, because they are my favorite group. I would give them 100 stars, more than 5 stars. They sounded so romantic and I like to listen to them everyday!"

Obsession: The Best of Animotion

The title says it all. No, seriously. "Obsession" was the best of Animotion, period, as they promptly all died of the flux moments after the song hit big.

Bonus Amazon customer review comment: "Wow! What a rippen cd. This is the best band that ever lived in the history of pop music. Drums are the best drums in the whole world. He's better than Dave Weckl, Billy Cobham, and Buddy Rich combined. This band is a complete expierience of pop sensation. BUY THIS CD KNOW!"

For various reasons, these sentences comprise the best prose ever written. Though it does make me sad knowing that nobody will ever compare me to Dave Weckl. For those who have no idea who Dave Weckl is, like me, you should buy his CDs know.

Bonus BONUS Amazon customer review comment: "This album would rate four or higher if it weren't missing I Engineer, which to me, is the best song ever performed by Animotion. You would think The Best of... would contain I Engineer."

Track 4: "I Engineer"

Murray Head - Greatest Hits

Interestingly, this "Greatest Hits" album contains nothing from Jesus Christ Superstar, which is a shame, since hearing Judas screech out "If you'd come today you could have reached the whole nation/ Israel in 4 BC had no mass communication!" is a real hoot.

Instead, you get the wildly improbable hit "One Night in Bangkok" and a bunch of other mystifying horseshit, including something called "Mo Mystery," which unfortunately makes me think of the very unmysterious Mo Vaughn.

Bonus Amazon customer review comment: None.

Very Best of Ram Jam

Oh dear. Remember this band and their witless cover of Leadbelly's "Black Betty"? No? You must not have seen a theatrical trailer in the last twenty years. Also included is the beguilingly titled "404," leading me to believe that this awful band was ahead of its time in cataloguing the nameless dread of hitting a dead end on the internet.

Bonus Amazon customer review comment: "What a great CD! Their first 2 albums on 1 disc. The classic Black Betty rocks! Every song on this CD is hard rockin' at it's best. Tell you the truth, I didn't know they had a second album release until I bought this."

Fulsome praise indeed.

Europe 1982-1992

So titled because if you play "The Final Countdown," it will seem to last for ten years before it is over.

Bonus Amazon customer review comment: "Joey Tempest has a great voice and is also a good keyboard player, as we can hear on the tracks from the two first EUROPE albums. Both John Norum and his replacement in 1986, Kee Marcello are excellent guitarists. Mic Michaeli does well with his keyboard work, and Tony Reno and Ian Haugland are some of the world's best drummers. John Levén is a skilful bassist."

Poor John Leven gets damned with faint praise compared to his legendary bandmates, but I suppose that's to be expected.

Spaced Out: The Best of Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner

Flee for your lives. This terrifying album, in addition to proving that God is wrathful, also demonstrates that nobody is allowed to die before recording a cover of "Both Sides Now" and "Everybody's Talkin'."

Incense and Peppermints [Collection]--Strawberry Alarm Clock

Included merely because I was bummed out that there wasn't a "Best of" album for Lothar and the Hand People.

Bonus Amazon tip: "Customers interested in The Strawberry Alarm Clock may also be interested in:

Alarm Clocks
Howard Miller, seiko, Bulova We have wide variety of Alarm clocks.

7-day Alarm Clock
For the busy professional - one alarm for each day of the week!

Sonic Boom Alarm Clocks
Allegro Medical is your discount source for quality medical supplies."

Rock on, man.


[The idea for this post is courtesy of my pal Kafkaesque, who is a real mensch for letting me steal it.]


Note: Comments are closed on old entries.

Comments

Well, congratulations to you both, because it got howls of laughter outta me.

Comment number: 004412   Posted by: Bet on March 3, 2004 12:34 PM from IP: 205.242.228.39

Even better, further down the track listing:

Track 12: I Engineer [12" Remix Version]

gah?

Comment number: 004413   Posted by: on March 3, 2004 12:48 PM from IP: 67.108.58.98

Great post, because it reminded me how much I love Amazon reviews. They are so erratic.
Not a music review, but definitely worth looking at.
I won't go into the long backstory of why I was looking at ant farms online, but it's probably the best series of reviews ever, starting with "U. Milton's Ant Farm a fun way to learn about Toil & Death" and continuing on down through the rabid defenses of the poor ants by lots of crazy people.

Comment number: 004414   Posted by: abby on March 3, 2004 12:50 PM from IP: 4.43.250.4

The really peculiar thing is that I searched for "Best of Lothar and the Hand People" too.

Comment number: 004415   Posted by: kafkaesque on March 3, 2004 01:36 PM from IP: 65.211.227.34

More! More!

Comment number: 004416   Posted by: dayment on March 3, 2004 01:40 PM from IP: 66.167.53.14

I've gotta get a t-shirt of the "Spaced Out" album. Rad.

Comment number: 004417   Posted by: Krizzer on March 3, 2004 03:20 PM from IP: 24.17.165.39

...it does make me sad knowing that nobody will ever compare me to Dave Weckl.

Here, Skot - if this is all it takes to alleviate your sadness, I'm more than happy to oblige:

Not only do you maintain approximately one more blog than Dave Weckl does, you also have more occurrences of the letter K in your last name.

I would go buy his CDs know, but the one I own is more than enough...

Comment number: 004418   Posted by: Mixmaster Mikey on March 3, 2004 09:56 PM from IP: 68.52.134.184

One Way Records had an Best of Lothar CD. You can still find them on half.com.

Comment number: 004419   Posted by: Bill the Splut on March 4, 2004 08:06 PM from IP: 66.159.137.181

Lothar rocks! I wish I was a Hand Person.

Comment number: 004420   Posted by: Stacey on March 5, 2004 11:26 AM from IP: 129.106.21.180

I feel bad because i have Ready for the World's Greatest Hits collection, but then they came out with the Millenium collection later and suddenly my CD felt like second best.

Comment number: 004421   Posted by: Anil on March 5, 2004 12:21 PM from IP: 64.81.57.15

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