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skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Friday, 05 March
God's Boring Menu

As I still have not been able to set up the home computer, I have to pilfer work-time to create new posts. Hence today's short, deficient, crappy entry.

Earlier this morning, someone mentioned this familiaresque biblical quote:

They shall be an abomination to you; you shall not eat their flesh, but you shall regard their carcasses as an abomination.

Whatever in the water does not have fins or scales—that shall be an abomination to you.

To which I had to reply: Where did this sort of arbitrariness come from? Did some old lost forgotten scribe just have a hard-on against shrimp? What's up with biblical dietary restrictions? It seems like back in the horrible pre-Chee-tos day, you'd happily eat whatever you could get.

It's not even like it's subtle. It's one thing to say, "God would prefer if you didn't eat scallops, because He thinks they are gross." Instead you get over-the-top pronouncements with words like "abomination." I don't get it. (Big surprise there.)

I imagine God: "Well, now I've created man in My own frankly fucking awesome image. What next? I guess I should craft some delicous abominations that he shouldn't eat, for some reason."

I received many intelligent responses to this query, all of which I kind of ignored, because I'm not very bright, and hey, shrimp taste good.

Postscript: Only later did it occur to me that according to Genesis, God created seafood creatures before man, but it's still weird and arbitrary.

Besides, basic Dominion Theory says I can do anything I want to all of those stupid fucking animals. God wants me to kill nature! Thy will be done.

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


Let's not forget how God created the tree of good and evil and then told Adam & Eve not to eat of it. And then how He created the food-pellet dispenser that sometimes delivers an electric shock, but sometimes doesn't.

Comment number: 004422   Posted by: Girlygirl on March 5, 2004 10:30 AM from IP:

And here I thought cows were holy...

Comment number: 004423   Posted by: Stacey on March 5, 2004 11:23 AM from IP:

You're telling me you haven't seen the Meme of the Week? Check it:

Comment number: 004424   Posted by: josh on March 5, 2004 01:04 PM from IP:

Skot--this is adorable. You are trying to refute the Biblical dietary laws! That reminds me of the SNL sketch about Clinton and the Ten Commandments. I can just see you back in the day complaining about Dominion Theory. I think the problem really is not that scallops aren't gross but that they just didn't have 'preferences' back in the Biblical day--these guys were all about laws, my friend.

Comment number: 004425   Posted by: Miel on March 5, 2004 02:10 PM from IP:

you probably don't actually care, but here goes.

biblical dietary laws were basically about reducing disease risk, so any predatory or scavenging animals aren't allowed - you're basically only supposed to eat vegetarian animals like cows (well, grass-fed cows). shellfish are basically scavengers, so they're out.

Comment number: 004426   Posted by: judith on March 5, 2004 02:18 PM from IP:

Sweet Judith, you should know better than to try convincing Skot with facts. Simply tell him that every time he eats a shrimp, the Mariners will spend $18 million on a six-year contract for someone who made his major league debut in 1974. It's in Leviticus. You could look it up.

Comment number: 004427   Posted by: Snarky on March 5, 2004 09:45 PM from IP:

Or every time you eat a shrimp, God kills a kitten.

Comment number: 004428   Posted by: dayment on March 6, 2004 09:04 PM from IP:

Wait -- does that mean that eating shrimp prevents prostate cancer, too?

Comment number: 004429   Posted by: Nick on March 8, 2004 06:40 AM from IP:

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