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skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Tuesday, 06 January
And The Weather Gods Said "Ha!"

Yesterday at work, when the snow talk started, the honchos rolled out their Byzantine work-avoidance procedures, and dourly began making honks about closing the office. So this morning when I woke up and I saw the piddling little inch and a half that had fallen by 7:00, I rolled my eyes and started trudging to work without even bothering to call in and check things out first. Not even a Seattle office is going to totally wimp out with this feeble effort, right?

I must try to remember how dumb I am. Of course they closed the office. I stuck around work for about an hour and experienced such adventures as Skot's Intrepid Hunt for the Lightswitches and also Skot's Totally Unheroic Chat with the Bosslady (who left the house too early to get the message and got trapped at work until her husband picked her up).

Me: Man, I feel kind of bad leaving when you're stuck here.

She: You're welcome to stick around.

Me: You're joking.

This pyrotechnic display of my legendary Won't-Do attitude is sure to make my stock soar with the higher-ups.

So, SNOW DAY! Since all of the public schools cravenly closed down in the face of Mother Nature's non-wrath, it was pretty unsurprising to find that the wife got the day off from her teaching. We lounged around for a while before setting out to take care of the essentials: Operation Procure Booze. So we walked up to 15th, passing all the way those timeless features of snow days--kids sledding and dogs flipping out.

Seattle, basically paralyzed by this hilarious little snowlet, responded by swiftly closing down every street that had better than a five percent grade, and the town's little bastards responded with the fierce glee of the annually deprived: we just don't get snow here, so they gotta get in on it when they can. And sure enough, they were out in force, employing sleds, saucers, trash can lids, cardboard boxes, and, in more than one case, nothing at all in their quest to SLIDE DOWN EVERYTHING! It's this sort of thing--closing down streets--that makes me sort of fantasize about the government we'd all like (and deserve). Instead of being the bunch of officious, grasping beatdown freaks they so clearly are all the time, it's nice to imagine them doing something for once just because it's cool.

"Mr. Mayor! The city has been lightly blanketed with snow! Should we declare martial law?"

"No. I have a better idea. Close down any remotely steep street."

"But why, sir?"

"My God, man! Out there, everywhere, there are children who are not flopping around in the snow! Out there are children who are not skidding into cars and hurting themselves! THIS WILL NOT STAND!"

"I love you, sir."

"I love you too, dammit. Now close those roads. AND GET ME SOME HOT RUM!"

It's a fantasy, I know, but it's one I like.

Anyway, it was fun watching the little bastards kamikaze all over the place, and of course the dogs who always look especially crazed in the snow, snurfling all over everything, and then, over and over, looking vaguely confused when their muzzles got packed with snow. Solution: pee on everything. I love dogs, and everyone who doesn't should be violently killed. I'm just saying.

There was also, naturally, some typically lo-fi attempts at snowman construction; we passed one that was about three feet high, with a jaunty scarf and a carrot nose that, due to the slight melt, had fallen out of his face and landed in the thing's hands, giving the little guy the look of an albino dwarf suddenly stunned with the discovery of advanced syphilis. It was delightful.

So we finally got to the wine shop and purchased four bottles--we could be here for days!--noticing our next-door neighbor there as well. Apparently shameless lushes all seek each others' orbits. And as if to prove this theorem, we stopped by a neighborhood bar for a snow day cocktail, and approximately everybody on Earth was there as well. The bartender looked like she was under Panzer attack, but eventually served us our drinks, and we sat and sipped them contentedly, watching the comedy routine of Seattle drivers totally failing to negotiate slightly slippery roads.

This was the perfect work day.

Summary | Skot | 06 Jan, 2004 |

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


misc. snow bloggery has drifted into my comments.

I saw those kids, skot, and they were all well over twenty-one.

Comment number: 004143   Posted by: mike whybark on January 6, 2004 10:14 PM from IP:

*looks outside*
*notices another inch and a half of lake effect snow has fallen and that it's still snowing*

*checks thermometer*
*notices that the temperature has risen to a balmy 17° F*


*goes to work*

Comment number: 004144   Posted by: iceberg273 on January 7, 2004 07:05 AM from IP:

We had a glorious blizzard in Colorado last March that closed the entire state down for two days (3 feet of snow.) That blizzard taught me a valuable lesson: ALWAYS maintain an "in case of emergency" bottle of booze in the liquor cabinet.

Comment number: 004145   Posted by: matt broz on January 7, 2004 07:34 AM from IP:

xoxox ICY! xoxox

Comment number: 004146   Posted by: avogadro on January 7, 2004 07:45 AM from IP:

This shocking lack of weather forititude is why you lot haven't cured cancer yet. If you were Minnesotans, it'd be safe to light up a Pall Mall and go nap in an X-ray machine just for kicks by now.

Comment number: 004147   Posted by: Snarky on January 7, 2004 07:54 AM from IP:

I remember as a kid encountering my first big snowfall. Mind you, San Antonio never, ever, ever gets snow. Every now and again, we'd have flurries, flakes would drift through the air, briefly stick to the ground, then harmlessly melt away. So getting a foot of snow was a very, very, very big deal. Naturally, the whole freaking town shut down. Folks would take patio furniture, sit at the corners of major (and minor) intersections, and watch cars plow into one another. The safety director ~wisely~ ordered bulldozers to clear snow off of the interstates, whereupon our public servants, in their zealousness, managed to not only clear every flake of snow off of I-10, but also the top inch of pavement.

My pa, God love him, never ever having lived in a cold climate, fashioned a sled for me and my brother by taking the wheels and arms off of the wheelbarrow, whereupon he repeatedly flung us down the steep street behind our house in the 20 lb steel basket of the 'barrow (now sans wheel). Not only did we experience the joy of skidding down the 70 foot hill in the unsteerable death trap, but we also could peer back at the sparks that resulted from steel contacting pavement. Additionally, we had to drag the freaking 20 lb steel basket back up the hill so that we may once again taste icy cold death.

Ah, good times.

Comment number: 004148   Posted by: avogadro on January 7, 2004 08:00 AM from IP:

i went to my hometown of oklahoma city and it was a refreshing 70 degrees with a low of 35, now i'm home and 35 degrees sound awfully nice right about now in this -2 degrees in idaho.

Comment number: 004149   Posted by: teena on January 7, 2004 04:01 PM from IP:

i must say, as i finally don a light sweater (as the sun has set), must be NICE getting days off for things like weather. here in austin it's been a balmy 65 degrees out every day all week.

hey, i'm not MAJORLY complaining.

here, if one single snowflake is PREDICTED, the city shuts down and martial law is enacted.

however, so far this "winter," we've not even had that.


Comment number: 004150   Posted by: julie on January 13, 2004 05:06 PM from IP:

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