Write me:
skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Wednesday, 17 December

Arby's Oven Mitt: Welcome, everyone. Thanks for coming. My first question is . . . what are you eating?

Hair: Vitamin E. It keeps me lustrous.

Joe Theismann: Broccoli makes my ankles stronger. HA! No, seriously, what makes your ankles stronger? I'm scared to cross the street.

Jude Law: I eat mostly hummus.

Arby's Oven Mitt: Not roast beef sandwiches?

Jude Law: No. That would give me gas, and you don't want that in a scene with Natalie Portman. She hates farting. She's kind of a scag.

Free Jazz: (Interrupting) SKRONK! BLAT! BLEEEEEEN!

Jude Law: I have to agree with Free Jazz. Natalie Portman sounds exactly like that.

FARK: Boobies!

The Corpse of Joe McCarthy: Let's try and keep things decent here. This is America. Muhhhhh. I hate being a corpse.

FARK: Boobies! Duke sucks.

Joe Theismann: You can't write off Duke so soon.

Laurie Anderson: The Duke. The Thin White Duke. Ducats for Duke. The politics of puke. The tiny black buttons on the barroom juke.

Arby's Oven Mitt: We have salads with cuke!

Jude Law: (Unzipping pants) Did somebody say cuke?

The Corpse of Joe McCarthy: Urrrrrr.

Hair: I grow luxuriantly. Not like those creeps down at fingernails. Those guys are freaks.

Joe Theismann: You have to see my shinbones. They look like they were crafted by autistics.


Arby's Oven Mitt: We have all kinds of cheese.

Laurie Anderson: I'll put it on a frieze.

The Corpse of Joe McCarthy: I'll denounce it as sleaze.

Hair: I'm dying for a tease.

Jude Law: Rescue my career! Jeez!

Joe Theismann: My ruined knees!



Izzle Pfaff Readers: Oh, God. Please.

Wordplay | Skot | 17 Dec, 2003 |

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


Not that I imagine that it will head anything off, but if it matters, just know that I realize that this is one of the stupidest posts ever. I don't care. I got a little enchanted with it (and hoped for much better), and now you're stuck with it. It was originally going to be, uh, less bad, but it's just not. Sorry.

I'm tired. It's my own damn fault.

Comment number: 004056   Posted by: Skot on December 17, 2003 12:48 AM from IP:

hittin the cough medicine, are ya?
I think it's funny, except for the inclusion of free jazz. I hate that guy.

Comment number: 004057   Posted by: nova on December 17, 2003 05:33 AM from IP:

I'll have what Skot's having.

Make it a double.

Comment number: 004058   Posted by: TheBrad on December 17, 2003 08:31 AM from IP:

While I hate free jazz in general, I feel that he was an instrumental part of this piece.

No pun intended.

Comment number: 004059   Posted by: Ryan Waddell on December 17, 2003 08:32 AM from IP:

You didn't finish the last sentence.

"Izzle Pfaff Readers: Oh, God. Please. STOP."

Comment number: 004060   Posted by: Stacey on December 17, 2003 08:36 AM from IP:

You didn't finish the last sentence.

"Izzle Pfaff Readers: Oh, God. Please. STOP."

Comment number: 004061   Posted by: Stacey on December 17, 2003 08:36 AM from IP:

I think Free Jazz could contribute some really good ideas if we'd just give it a chance.


Words for the ages, man.

Comment number: 004062   Posted by: Shawn on December 17, 2003 09:38 AM from IP:

I love it.

Comment number: 004063   Posted by: dayment on December 17, 2003 09:52 AM from IP:

This is so good, it's coerced me to get really drunk tonight. Unfortunately, I'll be practicing for a Christmas show at a local church. Do you think they'll notice?

Comment number: 004064   Posted by: Bet on December 17, 2003 01:56 PM from IP:

it's coerced me to get really drunk tonight.

My work here is done.

Comment number: 004065   Posted by: Skot on December 17, 2003 02:29 PM from IP:

I'm sort of hoping that your inclusion of the arby's oven mitt in that piece means that you despise him as much as I do. It's obvious you have little respect for free jazz and jude law...which would lead me to believe you feel that way about all of those things. CHALK UP ONE MORE FOR THE ANTI OVEN MITT DEATH BRIGADE. Now currently accepting members. please contact me at the listed email address and I will send you your information and an address to which you can send your AOMD Brigade fees. Thanks much!

Comment number: 004066   Posted by: jessica on December 17, 2003 10:44 PM from IP:

Agreed. Any chance on having the damn mitt castrated or at least maimed in some ungodly horrible manner? EUNICHISM TO THE OVEN MITT!!!!!

Comment number: 004067   Posted by: Coliosis on March 4, 2004 07:14 PM from IP:

oh yeah, i forgot. no genitalia. so now what can we do? AH! chinese water torture! POOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Comment number: 004068   Posted by: coliosis on March 4, 2004 07:17 PM from IP:

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