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Tuesday, 18 November
Not Good.

I don't like it when I can't write. And it happens too often: when I started this bloody thing, I made it my mission to do five posts a week--obviously, I don't do that any more. I don't know why, except that I got married and all, and I think that's valid (it's kind of sad that I even feel the need to make excuses), but let's also face it, some of those old posts reeked of desperation and sloth, and maybe, well, just fuck it, but sometimes it just drives me nuts when I feel like writing, and it just won't come.

I deleted three other abortive things before this. One was this weird tone-poem-y thing that I had high hopes for; it was a kind of cinematic screenplay filled with portent or something. Then I started writing it, and I got hung up over--I kid you not--whether or not the board game SORRY! used that weird bubble-dice device. (It didn't. What the fuck was that game? It's driving me crazy. Was it Parcheesi?) It also involved some character named "Borovski." The big idea was this not-so-much ending where I cut to nothing. I'd be a hell of a filmmaker. "Joe! Cut to nothing!" "What?" "Cut to nothing! It's poetic or something!" "You're stupid. I quit."

I also deleted a story about this weekend about how this poor guy (he's in the cast of my show) got his car towed because he parked in a Safeway parking lot. The gist of it was: This guy got his car towed because he parked in a Safeway lot. It cost him almost three hundred dollars. But then I realized that nobody could possibly give a fuck.

Now that I think about it, I didn't even get around to deleting a story about my facial hair, because it didn't even merit starting: I have this sort of dire whisker situation where sometimes I get two whiskers trying to share the same follicle, and that doesn't work, so they grow into this gigantic mutant whisker that is like a redwood stump growing out of my face, and it turns into an awful thick ghoul-hair that makes my face all angry, and I kind of have to police my face to make sure that they aren't massing for a revolution of some sort, these horrible Gimli-ish stumpy whiskers that rouse the pus army and overrun my poor, Aragorn-lacking chin. The last thing I need is for Ian MacKellen to show up indignantly on my face, calling for reinforcements.

Oh, it's late. I'll do better. Cut to nothing.

Confess | Skot | 18 Nov, 2003 |

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.

Comments

I think that game was "Trouble". When I was a child, I liked the little "popping" sound the bubble-dice device made.

Comment number: 003910   Posted by: Josh on November 18, 2003 01:51 AM from IP: 24.27.135.57

You're stupid. I quit.

Comment number: 003911   Posted by: oliverj on November 18, 2003 05:52 AM from IP: 63.109.229.13

Yep, that was "Trouble", and the little dice-rolling dome was called the "Pop-O-Matic".

Comment number: 003912   Posted by: Chaz Larson on November 18, 2003 06:34 AM from IP: 65.203.76.4

okay.
Can you pluck those hairs so that you only take one and leave the other securely in the follicle?
Teach yourself to do this and you could be left with a most attractive squint.

Comment number: 003913   Posted by: david on November 18, 2003 06:49 AM from IP: 202.137.72.52

You're part Viking aren't you? It would explain the beard thing, and.....um.... other things.
("i'll see you in valhalla" and all that)

I got a few drops of viking blood rolling around in my veins, and I have the same problem with my beard.

Comment number: 003914   Posted by: heather on November 18, 2003 07:16 AM from IP: 63.227.131.182

TROUBLE! Thank you! How could I forget that? "You're in TROUBLE!"

We Estonians aren't noted for our Viking ways, but by golly, we've got a coastline. Prepare to be politely boarded.

Comment number: 003915   Posted by: Skot on November 18, 2003 07:48 AM from IP: 140.107.120.123

I feel your pain.

Sincerely,
The "Haven't posted for a while, not sure if I'm going to anytime soon" KOTWF

Comment number: 003916   Posted by: KOTWF on November 18, 2003 10:28 AM from IP: 66.190.140.167

How'd I fuck up that link? Stupid commas.

Comment number: 003917   Posted by: KOTWF on November 18, 2003 10:29 AM from IP: 66.190.140.167

Trouble! Trouble! The Pop-O-Matic Bubble!

Comment number: 003918   Posted by: liz on November 18, 2003 11:27 AM from IP: 63.226.229.232

The only fun about Trouble was making an unecessary amount of noise with the bubble.

Do you remember CLACKERS? The two heavy ceramic balls on the end of two strings and the object was to be able to clack them together as fast and as many times as you can, before you lost control of the toy and nearly broke your arm?

Ouch :o !!!

Comment number: 003919   Posted by: Blue on November 18, 2003 04:25 PM from IP: 207.190.66.172

I vote for the facial hair saga. Oh, wasn't there going to be a vote? Never mind. I loved those clackers -- I never had any myself and I always wanted them. Then they outlawed them for some reason. You know, glass shards in small children's eyes, arms yanked out of sockets, I don't know--some trivial reason. Man, they made a wonderful sound.

Comment number: 003920   Posted by: kath on November 18, 2003 04:52 PM from IP: 142.167.38.69

A SAFEWAY PARKING LOT, you say??? Ye gods, what is the world coming to?

(Sorry, I felt the need to offer up some support for the sad, aborted anecdote.)

Comment number: 003921   Posted by: Robin on November 18, 2003 05:45 PM from IP: 216.239.75.248

When worrying about mission failure can you console yourself with this thought: I suck so much less than lots of other people?

Sometimes that works.

It's sort of the high school coping technique--contempt for others. Like when you are riddled with acne but then you despise those with clear skin for being 'shallow.'

But then: I suck so much more than I used to can pop up in its ugly way.

I'm not saying anything about you, my friend. Just about the kind of thing that you can say to yourself when you fear you are slacking off but want to continue slacking. Or: The kind of thing I say to myself.

In fact, I'm quite interested in towing stories. And Safeway stories. As a rule. They could be very Raymond Carver. You tend to turn most things into something interesting.

Comment number: 003922   Posted by: Miel on November 19, 2003 12:01 AM from IP: 151.203.80.171

Hm, I could have sworn it was "Double Trouble". Maybe I played the sequel.

Comment number: 003923   Posted by: Jon on December 3, 2003 11:23 AM from IP: 207.188.29.244

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