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skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Wednesday, 29 October
A Love Letter To, Variously, The Wife, Certain Adzes, And Unappreciated Vegetables

Today is the wife's birthday, so I will of course be taking her out for a lovely meal at the Insanely Fucking Great Tapas Joint, where we will, I hope, consume beets. I'm a sucker for their beets. I'm also reasonably sure that I've never typed that sentence before, but I'm kind of enchanted with it: I encourage whatever American beet concerns might exist out there to pick it up and use it as a really terrible advertising campaign:

He's a sucker for our beets! Paid for by the US Beet Council.

Or maybe just one of these:

Fuck you, dude! Eat beets.
Beets: Pee red in a good way.
We've! Got! Folate!
Sexier than cabbage.
Now with fewer aphids!
Beets: Because You've Just Given Up.

No charge, boys! Anyway, I'm sure glad I could marginalize my lovely wife's birthday by jabbering idiotically about root vegetables, because I know she'll read it later and think, "What a swell husband! His sad babbling touches my heart!" And then she'll attack me with a pulaski.

Married life is great, but occasionally terrifying. There's only one thing to do: go get some tasty damn beets.

XOXOX | Skot | 29 Oct, 2003 |

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


Beets: They flush out the bowels.

Comment number: 003810   Posted by: beerzie boy on October 29, 2003 03:06 PM from IP:

*beets off*

Comment number: 003811   Posted by: TheBrad on October 29, 2003 03:14 PM from IP:

*beetifies skot*

Comment number: 003812   Posted by: claxy on October 29, 2003 03:28 PM from IP:

vchera govorili chto v stolovoy na obed budet borshch. ja ves' den' dumal o svyokle. nakonets, ja poshyol v stolovuyu, da chto vizhy? Borshch est', a v borshche net svyokly.

Zarubi eto sebe na nosu.

Comment number: 003813   Posted by: Corwin on October 29, 2003 05:29 PM from IP:

Warning: Beets should not be consumed within a week prior to your colonoscopy.

Comment number: 003814   Posted by: Jack Bog on October 30, 2003 02:09 AM from IP:

I like my beets pickled. Come to think of it, I like myself pickled.

Comment number: 003815   Posted by: Bet on October 30, 2003 06:58 AM from IP:

Beets: they're not just for breakfast anymore

Comment number: 003816   Posted by: Ryan Waddell on October 30, 2003 07:09 AM from IP:

Beets: Not quite is loathsome as turnips.

Comment number: 003817   Posted by: ColdForged on October 30, 2003 11:41 AM from IP:

[backspace][backspace][backspace] You really should put a preview button on here.

Hmm... you have one. That goddamned solar flare!

Beets: 4 out of 5 children prefer them over contracting amoebic dysentery.

Comment number: 003818   Posted by: ColdForged on October 30, 2003 11:55 AM from IP:

Beets. They taste like dirt.

But in a good way.

Comment number: 003819   Posted by: harley on October 30, 2003 02:41 PM from IP:

Beets: When there's no Syrup of Ipecac handy.


Beets! Sweet fucking Jesus getting a handjob!

Comment number: 003820   Posted by: Joe on October 30, 2003 07:24 PM from IP:

the fuck is a pulaski?

Comment number: 003821   Posted by: Zvi on October 31, 2003 06:33 AM from IP:

I suppose if she attacked you with a Crusher, we'd be asking: "Bev or Wesley?", so it's just as well she uses a pulaski.

Comment number: 003822   Posted by: Cat on October 31, 2003 08:42 AM from IP:

Everybody 's got Beets on the brains ... what about that lovely birthday girl!!! Happy birthday to you etc.

Comment number: 003823   Posted by: Anna on November 3, 2003 01:47 AM from IP:

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