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skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Wednesday, 13 August
The Night We Drank Everything

Well, I have successfully lived through two staged nights of the Match Game. People seemed to enjoy themselves--particularly on Monday night; I suspect that people who go out on a Monday might think, "I know that tomorrow I'll be miserable, but Tuesdays are always miserable, so why not have something fun to be miserable about?" It was, for a first venture, at least moderately successful as well; we had lots of people both nights. From a profligate-drinking standpoint however, it must be rated as an astronomically smashing success on all fronts, and possibly some backs and diagonals as well.

For those of you who don't remember, the Match Game was a game show from the seventies where two contestants tried to match answers to blindingly dumb questions with "blanks" in them with a rotating (sometimes) cast of C-list "stars" like Gary Burghoff and Fannie Flagg. The thinly veiled non-secret of the show was the fact that more or less all the time, the stars were utterly tanked out of their minds, and delivered their answers with no regard for coherence, relevance, or sometimes even physical reality. Especially witty or wink-wink smutty responses earned hysterical cheers from the audience; terrible or particularly surreal answers got people viciously booed.

So it was with us. Pretty much all of it. Taking a gin-soaked page out of the How Not To Method Act workbook, most of us started drinking well before the show; a few people might, to judge by later misbehavior, have started even earlier, like say the previous Friday. We figured, hey, let's do this thing right, you know? This unfortunately led to the startling spectacle of six ridiculously dressed actors trying to imitate dimly-recalled celebritilets (I was doing my best to emulate the reptilian Richard Dawson, and I must say, I was, uh, challenged) while also trying to answer brain-eating riddles in a somewhat clever fashion. It was, of course, booze-fueled mayhem, and we became more and more bellicose as the debacle went on, and we pestered our harried "production assisstant" with increasingly imperious demands for more gin--er, water, I meant water. Heh heh. At one point, "Fannie Flagg"--drag queen, naturally--ran out right during the Super Match. So she stood up and announced, "Nobody ever picks me for this," and wandered over to the bar. Wild cheers! Nobody cared.

In the end, much fun was had, many livers creaked and spat, kidneys howled like dogs, and at least one person told sad tales of experiencing the sudden, unpleasant closeness of the bathroom floor. For myself, I can only solemnly advise you never to find yourself in the position of needing to remove your contacts after several double gin and tonics, because chances are excellent that you will do some mysterious, fumbling damage to your eyeball, causing you the next day to frequently grab at your skull and moan at the sudden pain and blasting jets of tears.

Oh, I can also tell you that there is one thing worse than getting all stupid on a Monday night and then trying to endure work the next day: Doing it all over again on Tuesday, knowing full well that Wednesday looms in the blurry distance.

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


Sounds about as realistic as you could have gotten to the real show!
Here's a walk down memory lane for ya.

Comment number: 003469   Posted by: dayment on August 13, 2003 08:25 PM from IP:

Next up: drunken Wheel of Fortune!

Comment number: 003470   Posted by: Ryan Waddell on August 14, 2003 04:54 AM from IP:

Drunken Password!

WHISPERING ANNOUNCER: And the password is....automobile.

HOST: The first clue goes to Skot.

DRUNKEN SKOT [taking clue]: Automobile!


Comment number: 003471   Posted by: Bet on August 14, 2003 07:21 AM from IP:

I think a good game show host name would be Wink Tinkle.

Comment number: 003472   Posted by: Stacey on August 14, 2003 07:36 AM from IP:

Tink Winkly

Comment number: 003473   Posted by: Bet on August 14, 2003 08:41 AM from IP:

If we were in the UK they would make a sitcom out of this - and call it "Absolutely Fabulously Skott". BIG BBC HIT! - with a cult following naturally

Comment number: 003474   Posted by: heather on August 14, 2003 08:43 AM from IP:

...... except Skot would be spelled correctly with one "T"

Comment number: 003475   Posted by: heather on August 14, 2003 10:17 AM from IP:

If we were in the UK they would make a sitcom out of this - and call it "Absolutely Fabulously Skott". BIG BBC HIT! - with a cult following naturally

But I'm ALREADY idolized by gay men everywhere!




Comment number: 003476   Posted by: Skot on August 14, 2003 03:57 PM from IP:

Who loves ya baby?


p.s. I'm now in rehab.

Comment number: 003477   Posted by: Telly on August 15, 2003 08:34 AM from IP:

"But I'm ALREADY idolized by gay men everywhere!


Perhaps idolized isn't quite the word, but I DO feel a certain something for you.

Comment number: 003478   Posted by: Bill on August 18, 2003 02:57 PM from IP:

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