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Friday, 15 August
Oh, The Hideous Thinks You Can Think!

I'm pretty sure that the most boring thing in the world is to listen to someone who is telling you about their dreams. Isn't it? Maybe Freud thought this was good stuff, but look at what a cracked bastard he was; I myself just cannot get interested at all--they always sound either really mundane (". . . so then I ate this pretzel . . . ") or monotonously silly (" . . . except that my high school was also a roller derby!"). And they inevitably conclude with the phrase, "Isn't that weird?"

Anyway, I had this crazy dream yesterday while post-work napping.

I was in this large building, sort of like a gymnasium, but segmented by half-walls. Maybe I was imagining cubicle-land from a worm's eye perspective, but who knows. My parents were around somewhere, and the dreamlogic was telling me for some reason that they expected me to provide dinner. This is where I should have clued in to the fact that I was dreaming, as the one meal I ever cooked my parents ended up being some dismal pork chops that we gave up trying to eat and instead sanded some cabinetry with them.

So I found this dream-pond and began fishing. Success! I was really hauling the little bastards in, these little diamond-shaped silvery fish that looked a lot like my brain borrowed them from MC Escher prints. I caught like nine of them, and then, because they needed to be "sanitized," I had to move them over to a swimming pool. Mmmmm, chlorine. Just what every meal needs.

While I was transferring the fish into the pool, along came a really cute goose, swimming right up to me. He had these twinkly eyes and a near-grin on his beak, and he was in all ways clearly friendly and adorable. He kind of broke my heart. Which is why it was frankly really awful when I found myself reaching out and drowning him; he shook his head wildly and gave a very human-like AAAAWWG! while I held him under. Then I woke up.

I realized after waking that the goose was the AFLAC goose right to a T, bizarrely, but I still felt really terrible. Why did I drown that fucking bird? And why was I so disturbed by this stupid dream? Maybe I was going to make him for dinner. Or maybe an AFLAC ad was on TV and my brain latched on to it. Or maybe I'm just a budding sociopath with violent hydrological tendencies. It's hard to say.

Isn't that weird?

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


I told my girlfriend about getting my hand hurt playing frisbee. That night she had a dream that someone hit her in the head with a frisbee and it really hurt. She woke up from the pain, only to find that she had to go to the bathroom.

It's amazing what lengths the subconscious will go to in order to get you to wake up and pee.

Comment number: 003484   Posted by: Day on August 15, 2003 02:11 PM from IP:

I'm pretty sure the AFLAC "goose" is actually a DUCK.

Comment number: 003485   Posted by: Marshall on August 15, 2003 07:56 PM from IP:

1) It's all in the telling
2) "dreamlogic" did you make that up? If so you should get some kind of Nobel prize. This is the perfect word to describe, "i don't know how i knew, but somehow just knew ..."
3) I don't know you but I do know the 2 previous commenters. Isn't that weird?

Comment number: 003486   Posted by: marian on August 15, 2003 08:56 PM from IP:

there's actually a term called "dream logic." *watches nobel prize fly out of the window*

Comment number: 003487   Posted by: anna on August 16, 2003 02:52 AM from IP:

I'm pretty sure the AFLAC "goose" is actually a DUCK.


there's actually a term called "dream logic."

Yeah, I can't claim originality on that one. Plus, it's actually a duck.

Comment number: 003488   Posted by: Skot on August 18, 2003 07:43 AM from IP:

One time I had a dream about playing Duck Duck Goose... does that count? Or was it Red Rover?

Never mind - it was Dodge Ball.

Comment number: 003489   Posted by: Mixmaster Mikey on August 18, 2003 11:42 AM from IP:

Sean has dreams about fishing all the time. It represents something but I forget what.
And playing dodge ball - was it with a duck? Because that could get messy.

Comment number: 003490   Posted by: dayment on August 18, 2003 03:50 PM from IP:

I'm pretty sure the AFLAC "goose" is actually a DUCK.

Does it quack?

Comment number: 003491   Posted by: Tom Cruise on August 19, 2003 06:16 AM from IP:

NO. It says "AFLAC!" then gets the shit kicked out of it.

Comment number: 003492   Posted by: KOTWF on August 19, 2003 07:03 AM from IP:

It's about time someone killed that duck!

Comment number: 003493   Posted by: Stacey on August 19, 2003 07:23 AM from IP:

blahblahblah - you people are quibbling over duck versus goose? BUT you ARE missing the KEY element HERE....the goose was cute, grinning and had (shiver) twinkly eyes (!).
HA! Do you have any idea what Freud would make of this?! Furthermore, do you have any idea the warped cartoon the Japanese could make out of this?!
damn scary stuff Skot.

Comment number: 003494   Posted by: heather on August 19, 2003 09:03 AM from IP:

Consulting Megan's book on dream imagery, I have discovered that dreamers who subconsciously replace ducks with geese have deep-seeded fears about balding and compulsive public masturbation. Have you not yet made peace with the sad, sad facts of your life?

Comment number: 003495   Posted by: Joe on August 19, 2003 01:07 PM from IP:

dreamers who subconsciously replace ducks with geese have deep-seeded fears

I believe the term is actually "deep-seated", escpecially when it refers to ducks.

Comment number: 003496   Posted by: Skot on August 20, 2003 03:36 PM from IP:

Dude, that's ridiculous. Why on earth would you want a deep seat? They're fucking tough to get out of. It makes no sense, says I.

Comment number: 003497   Posted by: Joe on August 21, 2003 06:32 PM from IP:

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