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skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Thursday, 14 August
Captive Audience

(Phone rings.)


"Hello, may I speak to the person who makes decisions in your household?"

"Uh . . . I . . . (muffled sobs) . . . hold on a second . . . "

"Oh, I . . . ah, okay . . . "

(fervent whispers, muffled)

"I . . . I'm being held hostage. He, uh, the guy holding me . . . he says he's in charge. So I guess you want him, but he's busy."

"You . . . you . . . what?"

"I'm being held hostage, so you have to talk to him. What's this about? He says he'll kill me."

"God, I . . . look . . . God. I was . . . I was just calling about your long distance plan, but--"

"Hold on."

(more fervent whispers)

"Okay, he's interested, so hold on. He's just hanging up with the negotiators."

"No! I can . . . oh, God . . . "

"Hi, this is Tom. I don't have much time here, but talk to me about your international rates. Like, Honduras or maybe Cuba."

"Ah . . . ah . . . sir, I . . . ah . . . "

"Oh, hell, you're going to have to call back, I've got tear gas to worry about here."


Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


If you ever record one of these, let me know and I'll host it.

Comment number: 003479   Posted by: Andy Baio on August 14, 2003 03:09 PM from IP:

Man, my hat's off to you. Brilliant. :)

Comment number: 003480   Posted by: Trix on August 14, 2003 05:09 PM from IP:

That one's even better than my usual "I worship Satan - can I talk to you about your religion?" line that I give them!

Comment number: 003481   Posted by: Stacey on August 15, 2003 10:40 AM from IP:

You bastard! Warn people when it's that funny!

Comment number: 003482   Posted by: Stv. on August 15, 2003 01:05 PM from IP:

one time, back when i still lived at home with my family, a real estate agent called and i said "my parents just died, now's not a good time". they got off the phone quick and didn't call for a while, but then 2 weeks later they kept calling and calling...

Comment number: 003483   Posted by: p on August 16, 2003 03:18 PM from IP:

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