Write me:
skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Tuesday, 01 July
The Magical Elevator Where Everybody Told The Truth

20th floor. Skot enters.

Skot: I just spent two hours doing no work at all.

19th floor. Former Frat Guy enters.

FFG: Hey.

Skot: Hey.

FFG: I've been looking at porn.

Skot: I'm going to the smoking gulag for a time-wasting cigarette.

FFG: I detest smokers.

Skot: You look like Abercrombie and Fitch threw up on you.

17th Floor. Pinched Middle-Aged Woman enters.

FFG: Hello. You wear so much perfume that I wonder if you will be carried off by bees.

PMAW: I'm sorry, I don't recognize other people's status as actual human beings.

Skot: I'm afraid I just farted.

FFG: It cuts the perfume.

PMAW: I need to make a call on my cell phone that could easily wait until I'm off this elevator.

14th Floor. Cheap Suit enters.

Skot: Hi. You have a cheap suit.

PMAW: I will tell you uninteresting things about my cats.

CS: The odd odors in this elevator are suppressing my urge to engage in frottage.

FFG: On more than one occasion, I have used the term "homo."

8th Floor. Acquaintance Girl enters.

AG: When we get to the smoking gulag, I will bother you with awkward banter that will only emphasize the tenuousness of our threadbare friendship.

Skot: I understand. I will feign interest in your awkward banter while manufacturing elaborate fantasies that involve your spectacular death.

FFG: I rarely have any real use for my pickup truck other than commuting.

PMAW: I am raising my voice on my cell phone conversation to indicate irritation with the other riders.

CS: I give nothing to charity, ever.

Garage Level.

PMAW: Goodbye. I wear too much pink.

CS: Goodbye. I'm going to drive in the carpool lane.

AG: On the way to the smoker's gulag, I will inquire about the one person we have in common, much like every other day.

Skot: I will make a dramatic show of being engrossed in my book in the vain hope that you will somehow take a hint.

FFG: Goodbye. I have a genuine interest in watching Everybody Loves Raymond.

Skot: I hate that I have to be civil to any of you, because I'm kind of a misanthropic asshole who imagines terrible things about people I doesn't know.

FFG: I think you're a homo.


Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


Wow, that was great. I'm thinking it has potential as a short play.

Comment number: 003216   Posted by: Dave Adams on July 1, 2003 06:38 PM from IP:

And with a little work, possibly even a funny one!

Comment number: 003217   Posted by: TheBrad on July 1, 2003 07:13 PM from IP:

I wish I was still involved in that youth theatre group, I would make my students do that as a short play.

Comment number: 003218   Posted by: pretty_paranoia on July 1, 2003 07:17 PM from IP:

I am, not-quite-literally, laughing my ass off.

Comment number: 003219   Posted by: i on July 2, 2003 05:40 AM from IP:

Sounds very like a David Ives play, actually. (Not a particular play, just the kind of stuff he'd write.)

Comment number: 003220   Posted by: Vidiot on July 2, 2003 05:48 AM from IP:

Very funny, much like City of Truth -

Comment number: 003221   Posted by: KFH on July 2, 2003 06:51 AM from IP:

Wow, I love the magical elevator of truth. No desire to enter it, but....

Comment number: 003222   Posted by: Bet on July 2, 2003 07:47 AM from IP:

I felt like I was reading a scene from Liar Liar Two, only funny.

Comment number: 003223   Posted by: KOTWF on July 2, 2003 08:11 AM from IP:

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! (take a breath) HAHAHAA!!!!! (snort, wipe tears from eyes)
HAAAAAAA!(grab stomach because it hurts from laughing so hard)
hahahaha.....haha....ha...........hmmmmmm.......... (cover mouth, attempt to regain composure - and then look so around to see the whole room staring at her)
-Everyone in the room is too damn boring and quiet.

Comment number: 003224   Posted by: emersonavenue on July 2, 2003 10:20 AM from IP:

When you have more time, please write-up a whole airplane.
You are here for us.

Comment number: 003225   Posted by: dayment on July 2, 2003 10:22 AM from IP:

City of Truth

Comment number: 003226   Posted by: dayment on July 2, 2003 10:32 AM from IP:

You're brilliant.

Comment number: 003227   Posted by: kath on July 2, 2003 01:02 PM from IP:

Hey, wow! I'd never heard of City of Truth. Thanks folks.

Comment number: 003228   Posted by: Skot on July 2, 2003 01:13 PM from IP:

Goddammit, make with the fucking writing, Skot! I just finished catching up with all the archives, and now -- gasp and shit oilfish -- there's no more. The cupboard is bare, fresh Izzle no es presente, I actually have to get to work.

Ideas? I dunno, elucidate on your clublike dong or something, I truly don't care. Create!

Comment number: 003229   Posted by: ColdForged on July 2, 2003 01:14 PM from IP:


Comment number: 003230   Posted by: writingstatic on July 2, 2003 09:57 PM from IP:

I've just wasted a week reading blogs of people I don't care about because it's more interesting than my pathetic job responsibilities.

Comment number: 003231   Posted by: Purposeless Intern on July 3, 2003 08:03 AM from IP:

that gets 12g's on the giggle scale..normally rated only 1 to 10. 10 being best. thanks much

Comment number: 003232   Posted by: wlr on July 10, 2003 02:56 AM from IP:

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