Write me:
skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Thursday, 05 December
So You Want to Make People Vomit

Tonight some friends and I opened a show (in the unlikely event that anyone who doesn't know me is reading this, I am a stage actor). Just a two-weekend silly little cabaret thing--I have three bits total. No biggie.

One of the actresses was heroically performing with the stomach flu. She's really sweet, and if you, say, felt like stabbing her in the ribs for some reason, she would probably apologize for nicking your knife blade right before she died. She certainly wouldn't be so crass as to bleed on your shoes.

So she was a little under the weather. And here are the various (totally unintentional, but hey) ways I inadvertantly tortured her tonight:

    I wandered around the dressing room eating a very pungent hot pastrami sandwich, mouthing inanities such as, "Come to me, bread and meat and cheese!" It should be noted that the sandwich also had oil and vinegar on it for that special added "I am raping your nose" effect.

    As she was sitting around innocently watching the acts, I stepped on her bare foot with my leather shoes. She couldn't even scream, because there were performers doing their thing. So instead she hissed, "I kind of hate you right now."

    And finally, the coup de grace. While backing my car out of the lot, I ran over her incredibly adorable small child, who was playing with G.I. Joes and flexing his dimples. When we were done unpeeling his remains from the tire treads, he resembled a spectacularly unsuccessful lasagna. All I could do was shrug my shoulders and say, "Aren't I a stinker?" And we all had a good laugh.

Okay, so the last one isn't true. But I kind of felt like it might be in the cards. Some nights one should just stay home.

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.


i thought that you might enjoy another site that is like yours only more long-winded.

Comment number: 002311   Posted by: your site on December 6, 2002 07:23 AM from IP:

What kind of spamlich kreplach is that?, you forgot "and sucky."

Comment number: 002312   Posted by: Bilbo on December 6, 2002 01:18 PM from IP:

I found to be very well-hung.

Comment number: 002313   Posted by: Dave Andreson on January 30, 2003 11:46 AM from IP:

Post a comment