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Friday, 20 December
Peerless Conversational Skills Belong to Other People

There is a co-worker of mine who is a stage actress. We frequently talk about theater, etc. commiserating about lack of work or whatever. She is currently in a production of Dylan Thomas' A Child's Christmas in Wales, which is surely one of the most boring shows in the world. I was in it once in college, and I got bored even while acting in it. You could be operated on while watching it.

My co-worker approached me today.

"It's the last weekend of my show."

"Oh, that's right. You must be excited."

"Yeah. So . . . are you going to come see it?"

(I pause. I am caught. Quick! Make an excuse!)


(You shithead.)

"Oh . . . how come?"

(This is horrible! MAKE AN EXCUSE!)

"Because I'd rather die. I'm sorry."

(I fold.)

"Yeah, I can understand that. It's a boring damn show. See ya."

Is there anything sweeter than a completely undeserved success? I think not. UN-DE-SERVED! UN-DE-SERVED! UN-DE-SERVED!