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Tuesday, 11 October
Rilly Big Shew

Skot and the wife are TAKING THE STAGE BY STORM! Because we hate and fear other actors, and have decided to hunt them in their natural habitat. They are distressingly easy to kill.

No! Not really. At least about the killing part. Yet.

The wife (one reader has begged me to not refer to my wife as "the wife" on the basis that it sounds callous and as if I do not much like her, so I might periodically refer to her now and again as "the husband," or perhaps "Ethel Rosenberg," depending on my mood) opened up a show on Friday, an annual event at Open Circle Theater here in town in which three HP Lovecraft stories are adapted for the stage. The stories are adapted in such a way as to play up the complete ridiculousness of many of Lovecraft's themes but to also give a nod to the still-creepy atmosphere that he was justly credited for. Think of it as Desperate Housewives, except that in the end everyone dies horribly at the hands of fish-faced alien races.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun at opening night, and it was good fun to watch good old Ethel not betray her country and get the chair, but instead gleefully inhabit the roles of various crazy ladies. The wife does get a lot of work playing crazy women, and I'm not sure what that says about her, but it might explain the new fondness for knitting. Don't all crazy ladies knit? I think the Elder Gods might be crouching inside my wife, Ethel Rosenberg, and are causing her to knit, and to possibly betray my country. Fuck, man, I hope she doesn't get the chair. Her knitting isn't that bad.

Anyway. I also find myself suddenly back (sort of) doing theateresque things: sort of. I agreed to do a little three-day deal called the Brown Derby at Re-bar. The Brown Derby project has been going on for some time, and what they do is take terrible Hollywood films and put them onstage in utterly mutilated form, using drag queens, dance numbers and relentlessly funny script-savaging. I've done one before, when we eviscerated Halloween a couple years ago, and now I've been called on again to come defile one of our old classics.

We are doing Flashdance. I will be playing the Michael Nouri role--he's the creepy-ass bossman who seduces Jennifer Beals' spunky (shaddup) welder-slash-nightclub dancer (played, of course, by a man, unlike me, who will be played by me).

These things are done intentionally slapdash, with scripts in hand--deconstruction is the order of the day, not professionalism. And I am blessed with a great cast, who have all begun making hysterically funny contributions, which is good, since I've totally got nothing.

This is not a cry for support! I've literally got nothing. I'm glad others do. But do you remember this awful movie? The Michael Nouri role is: kinda slimy 40-ish guy fucks his hot welder/dancer employee. I'm not even blaming the role. But I've got nothing here. Yes, I'll get some laughs for shoving my tongue down the throat of the Jennifer Beals drag queen, but how hard is that? (SERIOUSLY, SHUT UP!) I am nervous. Tonight we had a rehearsal to work on how we were going to viciously maul all of the dance scenes, and I was so hopeless at dancing badly that I was asked to, like, not dance at all. I'm so terrible at dancing that it's literally not funny! (And true story: when I tried to emulate a Bealsy dance move, I hurt myself terribly . . . I tried to do this kick-thing she does in the "BIG AUDITION" dance scene, and it felt like lizards were biting my triceps. I moaned audibly, and it was about then that I., the director, explained that I was excused from the number. I wandered off for a cigarette, feeling like Ethel Rosenberg, my wife, walking to the Chair.)

This is the actor's life: ongoing bouts of crippling self-doubt occasionally relieved by flashes of intense humiliation. There are reasons why we drink. Especially those of us who cannot dance, or come up with good comedy bits for their lousy characters, or who happen to marry Commie spies.

And I keep coming back.

Confess | Skot | 11 Oct, 2005 |

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Comments


Yeah, I remember that piece of eighties fluff.
Your creepy Michael Nouri character uses his influence to land the Jennifer Beals character an interview where she has to dance seductively in front of a bunch of crotchety board members before been let into some institution.

I heard it was the same deal for Harriet Miers.

Comment number: 005632   Posted by: Lung the Younger on October 11, 2005 06:03 AM from IP: 80.58.34.109

As a crazy Jewish woman who knits - I take offense to this entire post.

or something.

Regards to Ethel

Comment number: 005633   Posted by: Amy on October 11, 2005 09:15 AM from IP: 216.139.154.168

"This is the actor's life: ongoing bouts of crippling self-doubt occasionally relieved by flashes of intense humiliation."

Why do I feel simultaneously vindicated and like suffering a painful death.

If anyone needs me, I'll be over here, in the corner, swallowing ninja stars.

Comment number: 005634   Posted by: rob on October 11, 2005 09:45 AM from IP: 207.141.19.81

Okay, two things.
1. That song "What a Feeling" by Irene Cara? We downloaded it today at work for the Chin Up competition #3, and some DJ's have remixed it with a techno beat and it makes it hilarious and sad at the same time.
2. Did you have anything to do with the production of "De-Flowered in the Attic" at the Re-Bar? Because I am waiting for that show to hit Broadway. Or at least the Re-Bar again. Funniest Show Ever.

Flashdance dates known yet? I'd love to see this, but I don't live there anymore (moved to Vancouver BC) but I do have a couple dates that I'm planning for a trip down.

Regards to Ethel.

Comment number: 005636   Posted by: dayment on October 11, 2005 08:13 PM from IP: 24.85.89.168

Dayment:

I personally was not involoved in the Deflowered production, but as it happens, a lot of people from that cast are good friends of mine, and some of them are involved in the beautiful Flashdance catastrophe. I mean that in the best way.

Flashdance will be happening at Re-bar this coming Mon-Tue-Wed at 8:00.

Comment number: 005638   Posted by: Skot on October 12, 2005 07:40 AM from IP: 66.150.9.2

Where is the postal address for Michael Nouri??? That's what i googled..! Although it was interesting to read about yr productions from all the way in darkest Africa.

Comment number: 005641   Posted by: Emma on October 12, 2005 08:51 PM from IP: 216.239.38.136

Skot,
I feel your pain.

I appeared in a Brown Derby production of Rosemary's Baby a year or two back. It was my first time back on stage in NINE YEARS.

The Brown Derby Regulars are some of the funniest people I have ever met, and they left me in their dust.

I now know how the Washington Generals used to feel, hitting the court to face the Harlem Globetrotters.

I have since re-retired from the stage.

Comment number: 005649   Posted by: Buzzy on October 17, 2005 04:45 PM from IP: 156.74.250.7

The Ethel thing seems like it should be getting old, but it totally did not. too funny.

Comment number: 005653   Posted by: Amanda on October 20, 2005 12:29 PM from IP: 71.4.161.194

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