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Monday, 14 March
Sylvia Bath

I have done it again.
One day in every ten
I manage it--

A sort of caulking miracle, my tub.
The sour mildew
Will vanish in a day.

I have suffered the atrocity of toilets.
Munge in the bowl
My brush filaments scrub and burn, a hand of ick.

Now I churn up soapstuffs that fly about the tub.
A film of such indolence
Will accompany my bystanding: I must shriek.

Cleaning
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it not terribly well.

I do it so it does not smell.
I do it so it feels clean.
I guess you could say I bought some gel.

Does not my sponge astound you. And my rag.
All by myself I am a schmutz Godzilla
Scrubbing and powdering and brow-dering, flush on flush.

I think I am cleaning up,
I think I may sanitize--
The motes of green Comet fly, and I, toilet, I

Am a pure ammonia
Virgin
Attended by noses,

By hisses, by effluvium,
By whatever these pink fingers clean.
Dead hands, dead astringents.

There were stains on your white parts
And we tenants never liked you.
We are dancing and showering in you.
We always noticed your goo.
Bathroom, bathroom, you bastard, I'm through.

Wordplay | Skot | 14 Mar, 2005 |

Note: Comments are closed on old entries.

Comments

Look, I couldn't get it out of my mind. I'm sorry.

Comment number: 005105   Posted by: Skot on March 14, 2005 10:57 PM from IP: 67.136.152.166

All hail, literary japes! You have turned an afternoon's mildew wrangling into high art.

Comment number: 005106   Posted by: galetea on March 15, 2005 03:16 AM from IP: 195.149.26.15


Astounding! I take my hat off to you, Skot. Such erudition and on a Tuesday.

My girlfriend refers to my delicious cauliflower gratinee as the ‘Sylvia Special’ because she says it’s a poetic little dish that you can finish off in the oven.

(her words not mine)

Comment number: 005107   Posted by: Lung the Younger on March 15, 2005 03:28 AM from IP: 80.58.34.44

you are ridiculously funny. thanks for the laughs!

Comment number: 005108   Posted by: bella on March 15, 2005 06:29 AM from IP: 63.211.54.142

Sorta reads like a eulogy for bathroom scum. Good times.

Comment number: 005109   Posted by: Fissell on March 15, 2005 07:15 AM from IP: 24.107.19.153

Also, I knew this sounded familiar. Very reminiscient of your Dec. 30, 2002 post about bathroom filth, with less prose. Oh yeah, sorry for reading through the archives. I do that when I get bored.

Comment number: 005110   Posted by: Fissell on March 15, 2005 07:18 AM from IP: 24.107.19.153

anyone else i would excoriate, but you, sir, i merely shake my littlest finger at.

Comment number: 005111   Posted by: dddg on March 15, 2005 03:32 PM from IP: 128.135.231.7

\m/

Comment number: 005112   Posted by: j on March 16, 2005 06:20 AM from IP: 137.113.69.136

god in heaven do you make me laugh.

Comment number: 005127   Posted by: art school girl of doom on March 20, 2005 03:52 AM from IP: 24.124.68.67

That was absolutely briliant. I'm going to show it to all my friends.

Comment number: 005136   Posted by: yensen on March 22, 2005 04:44 PM from IP: 24.218.50.242

of course I can't spell

Comment number: 005137   Posted by: yensen on March 22, 2005 04:45 PM from IP: 24.218.50.242

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