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Thursday, 03 February
I Think I Also Had A Headache

Not to get too dorky about it, but occasionally I hang out with online friends at this weird forum/place/nerd heaven where we do the usual stuff: BS, trade links, howl in outrage, vent, etc. Recently my friend Brad compiled a fairly comprehensive list of maladies that I have complained about (or have had attributed to me) over the past few years. I give you the summation (minor edits for clarity/privacy) as follows. It's been tough, apparently.

SKOT KURRUK IS DISEASED. Since arriving in 2001, he has suffered from a variety of illnesses and maladies, including Estonian neoplastic spread, scrofula, Charwoman's Itch, the Wooden Porcupine Fever, Brighton Beach Blotches, Estonian Goalie Pout-Rictus, the sweats, the chills, medulla rot and the Estonian All-Body Funk, hives, welts, histological monkey-fuss, shrieking neck, and the Estonian nut-shrivels, Estonian Flip-Flop Night Sweats, Estonian Spleen Rots, Estonian mind-weep, febrile neutropenia, lupus, river blindness, and of course, the Estonian Barking Moose Splenomegaly, Estonian Wet-Sock Stupids, spastic colon, rickets, gout, rheumatism, St. Vitus' Dance, flesh eating virus, flesh vomiting virus, and the Estonian Perineum Twitch, syncope, supraventricular arrhythmias, gynecomastia, clotted eyes, Hambone Fever, Dinkle's Happy-Be-Gone, and the Estonian Redeye, flop-sweats, Estonian Brain Chiggers, Estonian Giggling Whim-Whams, Estonian Brain Fleas, Estonian Spine Rot, Estonian pituitary mange, Estonian Doublewide Goiter, Estonian Howling Chancres, gout, rheumatism, and the Estonian brain gravy, Estonian Head Staggers, Estonian Feverish Corn-Shits, Estonian Raving Brain-Worms, Estonian Medullar Shilly-Shally, Estonian Fear Fog, Estonian Angry Ass, Estonian Twitch-Fingered Murder Voices, Estonian Dry Heaves, Lithuanian Cerebellum Rot, Estonian Brain Sweats, the vapors, the whim-whams, and the Estonian Face-Melt, Estonian Ululating Whim-Whams, Estonian Non-Authorized Ratfuck BARL, Estonian Dissonance-Ague, Estonian Jagged Fire-Trots, Estonian Cochlear Flapshuts, Estonian Sweaty Brain-Hates, Estonian Jumping Freak-Outs, Estonian Ragefleas, Estonian Butt-Pucker, and recently, the Estonian Melt-O-Brains.

WON'T YOU HELP SKOT KURRUK? Call now. Operators are standing by.

Bless you, Brad. I've always wanted my own telethon.


Note: Comments are closed on old entries.

Comments

get well soon! xoxox

Comment number: 004974   Posted by: judith on February 3, 2005 03:40 PM from IP: 63.81.40.65

Apparently, you are spending too much time in Estonia and/or performing illicit and perhaps immoral acts with an Estonian. I had Angry Ass once, but I wasn't sure of the nationality, felt like german though.

Comment number: 004975   Posted by: Philip on February 3, 2005 03:50 PM from IP: 67.102.69.10

Take this as a warning: NEVER GO TO ESTONIA!

Comment number: 004977   Posted by: Bernice on February 3, 2005 06:55 PM from IP: 203.166.96.236

And to think that none of your afflictions fall into a category that you might have a chance to focus on at your day gig. If that ain't selfless, I don't know what is.

Comment number: 004979   Posted by: MMMikey on February 4, 2005 07:22 AM from IP: 69.243.201.50

You know, you might have something there with Estonians. My eye doctor when I was a kid was Estonian. And since then my eyes have gotten worse....Estonian Eye Disease???

Comment number: 004980   Posted by: Steve's Sister on February 4, 2005 09:20 AM from IP: 130.20.68.155

What did you do the Estonians that they want you dead so badly?

It sounds like GWB might have to pause the Iranian invasion, cause Estonia's got the Giggling Whim-Whams, and they are not afraid to use it.

And where is the CDC for all of this? Ivory-tower government eggheads, always leaving the poor innocent Izzle-Pfaff's to suffer while they dine on lobster and smallpox tostadas. Bastards!!

Comment number: 004981   Posted by: Jado on February 4, 2005 10:49 AM from IP: 208.247.148.13

You need to learn the benefits of having a migrating brain tumor. It's done wonders for me.

http://mywebpages.comcast.net/be3t/podbrain.html

Comment number: 004982   Posted by: Bet on February 4, 2005 01:14 PM from IP: 12.34.246.30

Yeah! Down with Estonia!

Comment number: 004983   Posted by: Lauren on February 4, 2005 09:50 PM from IP: 209.226.118.179

Clearly he forgot Estonian Wandering Womb, Spasmodic Jig-Fits, and Thurlston's Duodenal Clench.

Comment number: 004984   Posted by: Cordelia on February 5, 2005 07:37 PM from IP: 24.147.35.105

So.. gynecomastia, eh? SHOW US YOUR HOOTERS!

Comment number: 004985   Posted by: Kate on February 5, 2005 07:39 PM from IP: 202.134.244.208


Just as well y’all never made it up yonder to Latvia. Them Latvians sure do breed a mighty ornery microbe. Makes Estonia look like an operating theater.

Comment number: 004987   Posted by: Lung the Younger on February 7, 2005 12:49 AM from IP: 80.58.34.44


Just as well y’all never made it up yonder to Latvia. Them Latvians sure do breed a mighty ornery microbe. Makes Estonia look like an operating theater.

Comment number: 004988   Posted by: Lung the Younger on February 7, 2005 12:50 AM from IP: 80.58.34.44


Just as well y’all never made it up yonder to Latvia. Them Latvians sure do breed a mighty ornery microbe. Makes Estonia look like an operating theater.

Comment number: 004989   Posted by: Lung the Younger on February 7, 2005 12:51 AM from IP: 80.58.34.44

you dont know me, but i have a friend who introduced me to your site. She and I think you are hilarious and i would like to see her reaction if she was to ever meet the REAL IZZLE PFAFF

Comment number: 004998   Posted by: Melissa on February 10, 2005 03:00 PM from IP: 67.83.134.207

you dont know me, but i have a friend who introduced me to your site. She and I think you are hilarious and i would like to see her reaction if she was to ever meet the REAL IZZLE PFAFF

Comment number: 004999   Posted by: Melissa on February 10, 2005 03:00 PM from IP: 67.83.134.207

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