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Thursday, 09 December
Hirsute Fruit and Other Concerns

Yesterday at 2:05 PM or so, the wife and I took off from Heathrow airport in London, and at around 3:40 PM, we happily landed at Seatac. Which was puzzling, because the flight certainly felt longer than an hour and a half. We must have encountered some temporal difficulties along the way. I mean, it really felt more like nine hours--actually, watching the last part of Troy seemed to last for weeks, really--and why would they serve us two meals on such a short flight? It's a mystery. And speaking of mysterious, for that second meal, we were served something called a "bap." Specifically, a "turkey salad bap." The word "bap" was ominous enough, but not nearly as ominous as what it actually was: a small sandwich that was filled with, apparently, leftover meat from a burn unit slathered in clotted pus. I left aside my bap and stared morosely at my tiny little TV screen to watch more of Troy, which was itself increasingly unappetizing in a nicely bappish way. I wondered idly if someday an inventive airline chef would create the Troy Bap, which I figured would be popular with the gay crowd. You could do worse than a Brad Pitt/Orlando Bloom sandwich, after all.

I think it's clear that I have not quite recovered from the effects of the trip back. Sorry I'm still a bit woozy. Just one thing before I launch later into more in-depth coverage of the trip:

American bars really must try harder to be more interestingly named. Here in my neighborhood I have such uninspiring establishments as The Deluxe, The Broadway Bar & Grill, The Canterbury, etc. But across the pond, we encountered such delights as The Rat & Parrot (whose mirrors featured etchings of a rat and parrot in seeming combat), the Slug & Lettuce (Yum!), and (my very favorite, and recommended by a Dublin cabbie) The Hairy Lemon. There's something terribly obscene about a mental image like a hairy lemon, especially when you're eating food there, particularly fish and chips. "Care for some hairy lemon with that?" Well, no. In the end, I wasn't able to rationally figure out which was worse: the idea of some mutant lemon-shaped genitalia, or Meadowlark Lemon shaking his loose hairs out onto my fish.

It's good to be back. And we were greeted in absent-friend high style by our friend D., who nicely looked after our apartment while we were gone. He kindly left us a note to greet us, which he wrote on a piece of paper and then used a chip-clip to attach it to a lighting fixture. It read: "WELCOME BACK, DIPSHIT!"

Lord. None of this is very coherent; as I say, we're still trying to deal with the horrific time change and all that. But I do note something . . . this is roughly the second anniversary of this blog. Which seems crazy. It seems sometimes like much longer than that, and sometimes much shorter. And I have a lot of people to thank for it--more than I can name here, but fortunately, I list most of them on that little list of links on your left, so check them out if you want. They're good people, and for want of many of them, I wouldn't be doing this.

Thanks to you all, and to the others who know who they are--

Yrs,

Dipshit


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Comments

Now taking nominations for the title of "IZZLE PFAFF--YEAR TWO: THE BOOK".

Comment number: 004767   Posted by: norm on December 9, 2004 06:48 AM from IP: 64.65.174.18

Welcome back, Mr. kurruk (sp?). We. Missed. You.

Comment number: 004768   Posted by: Mike on December 9, 2004 08:03 AM from IP: 206.170.148.183

Yeah, welcome back, dipshit. (I hear Gabe Kaplan's gonna be playing you in the movie. What? Like he's doing anything else.)

Comment number: 004769   Posted by: TheBrad on December 9, 2004 10:35 AM from IP: 69.153.96.2

Hooray!

Welcome back! Now start posting again, and make it snappy.

Comment number: 004770   Posted by: rick on December 9, 2004 11:22 AM from IP: 206.81.198.130

Cockneys have a humorous/ignorant habit of renaming things so they sound more familiar. For instance, the neighborhood Elephant & Castle was supposedly originally called "Infanta de Castille" after a Spanish princess stayed there way back when. So The Hairy Lemon probably used to be called something grander -- "The Charlemagne"?

Comment number: 004771   Posted by: girlygirl on December 9, 2004 11:55 AM from IP: 207.59.87.142

Welcome home :o)

And I feel like I've been coming here for more than two years - I must've found you early on.

Comment number: 004772   Posted by: dayment on December 9, 2004 01:33 PM from IP: 64.105.86.146

Off topic, but I saw "bap" up there and read it as "pap". Wonder how far off I was.. a turkey pap might be make for an accurate equivalent to plane food after all.

Welcome back. We left the country in shambles for ya. :)

Comment number: 004773   Posted by: Melissa on December 9, 2004 06:05 PM from IP: 24.28.5.44

And a fine two years it has been (of course I wasn't here for the whole two years, I'm just extrapolating).

Cheers! And to many more.

Comment number: 004774   Posted by: Miel on December 9, 2004 11:54 PM from IP: 68.162.211.192

Thank God you left. Now things can quiet down over here.

Comment number: 004776   Posted by: Anna on December 10, 2004 02:15 AM from IP: 212.136.78.25

God, I've missed you.

Comment number: 004779   Posted by: Bill on December 10, 2004 03:50 PM from IP: 162.119.64.114

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