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Monday, 08 March
When Einstürzende Neubauten Seems Twee . . .

I still have not been able to hook up the home computer, thanks to some unresponsive phone jacks, so in the meantime I will simply regale you with some song titles from what I can only assume is the most terrible band in history. Friends, I give you Anal Cunt.

I Like It When You Die


1. Jack Kevorkian Is Cool
2. Valujet
3. You've Got No Friends
4. You Keep a Diary
5. You Own a Store
6. You Got Date Raped
7. Recycling Is Gay
8. You're a Cop
9. You Can't Shut Up
10. You've Got Cancer
11. We Just Disagree
12. Hungry Hungry Hippos
13. You Are an Interior Decorator
14. Pottery's Gay
15. Rich Goyette Is Gay
16. Branscombe Richmond
17. You Live in Allston
18. You Are a Good Food Critic
19. Just the Two of Us
20. Your Band's in the Cut-Out Bin
21. You're Gay
22. You Look Adopted
23. Your Cousin Is George Lynch
24. You Have Goals
25. You Drive an Iroc
26. You Play on a Softball Team
27. Because You're Old
28. You Sell Cologne
29. Being a Cobbler Is Dumb
30. You Live in a Houseboat
31. Richard Butler
32. 311 Sucks
33. Your Kid Is Deformed
34. You Are an Orphan
35. You're Old (Fuck You)
36. You Go to Art School
37. You're Best Friend Is You
38. You're in a Coma
39. Windchimes Are Gay
40. No, We Don't Want to Do a Splait Seven Inch With Your Stupid Fucking Band
41. René Auberjonois
42. Internet Is Gay
43. Ha, Ha Your Wife Left You
44. Hootie and the Blowfish
45. You Went to See Dishwalla and Everclear (You're Gay)
46. Locking Drop Dead in McDonalds
47. Technology's Gay
48. Your Favorite Band Is Supertramp
49. I'm in Anal Cunt
50. You (Fill in the Blank)
51. Kyle from Incantation Has a Mustache
52. Bonus Track #3

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Picnic of Love

1. Picnic of Love
2. Greed Is Something That We Don't Need
3. I Wanna Grow Old With You
4. I'd Love to Have Your Daughter's Hand in Marriage
5. I Couldn't Afford to Buy You a Present (So I Wrote You This Song)
6. Waterfall Wishes
7. I'm Not That Kind of Boy
8. Saving Ourselves for Marriage
9. I Respect Your Feelings as a Woman and a Human
10. In My Heart There's a Star Named After You
11. [Untitled]

Oh, poo! I thought these were angry lads, but look! They're very sweet! Oh, the poignancy of [Untitled]!

Bonus Amazon commenter: These are some of the most heartfelt ballads of any rock band I've ever heard, which includes the hits of Styx and Winger. Rock, On, A.C., and may Jesus our Saviour bless thee!!!

Amen, brother!

Hopefully after tomorrow night, when Qwest is finished violently boning me for repair fees, I can get back on a more reg'lar-type posting regimen.


Note: Comments are closed on old entries.

Comments

AC's cover of "American Woman" is... it's just. You just gotta hear it.

Comment number: 002908   Posted by: i on March 8, 2004 02:18 PM from IP: 138.88.126.183

Damnit, i beat me to mentioning the 'American Woman' thing. But he's right, you have to hear it.

I'm pretty sure I played a gig opening for AC in Massachussetts, once.

Comment number: 002909   Posted by: j on March 8, 2004 02:22 PM from IP: 63.124.17.216

Picnic of Love is one of the most painful things to listen to, ever. Which of course was probably the goal.

They had another album with a song called "Tim Is Gay," and I bought it just to piss off my friend Tim. It worked. That CD also had "I Lit Your Baby On Fire" on it, and I still think that's a good song.

Comment number: 002910   Posted by: nick on March 8, 2004 02:59 PM from IP: 68.89.156.255

Are you sure that song isn't actually entitled "Rene Auberjonois Is Gay"?

Comment number: 002912   Posted by: stennie on March 8, 2004 06:25 PM from IP: 64.239.147.218

I think you are going to start getting some even more disturbing search results.

The Anal Cunt song titles remind me of the kid who used to sit next to me in art class in high school and listen to G.G. Allin. Ah, good times, well except for the listening to G.G. Allin part.

Comment number: 002913   Posted by: Rorschach on March 8, 2004 06:36 PM from IP: 68.49.189.220

Anal Cunt! Hooray! You've gotta love them, if only for the fact that they seem to have deliberately given themselves a name that will guarantee precisely zero radio play. Fuck the man! That's punk rock.

Comment number: 002915   Posted by: Robin on March 9, 2004 10:56 AM from IP: 198.103.152.3

i actully kinda like them. it's just a matter of approaching it with a sense of humor, i guess. and yes, they did the best cover of 'american woman' ever.

Comment number: 002916   Posted by: cat on March 9, 2004 05:58 PM from IP: 68.92.18.234

At least they know how long their songs should be.

(very very short)

Comment number: 002919   Posted by: Jef on March 10, 2004 10:41 AM from IP: 67.75.10.148

Hey, I know Tim. And let's not forget AC's Oi cover of the BeeGees. That's right: "Oi, Oi, Oi, Oi, staying alive, staying alive." Or their cover of Eddy Grant's "Electric Avenue." Good times.

Comment number: 002928   Posted by: cinetrix on March 11, 2004 01:22 PM from IP: 151.203.252.210

Oh, they ain't got _shit_ on The Locust's titles, man. These are fuckin' punk. Or indecipherable drivel. Yeah, the latter.

1. Recyclable Body Fluids In Human Form
2. Identity Exchange Program Rectum Return Policy
3. Solar Panel Asses
4. Live From The Russian Compound
5. Earwax Halo Manufactured For The Champion In All Of Us
6. Wet Dream War Machine
7. Listen, The Mighty Ear Is Here
8. Who Wants A Dose Of The Clap?
9. Teenage Mustache
10. How To Become A Virgin
11. Anything Jesus Does I Can Do Better
12. Late For A Double Date With A Pile Of Atoms in The Water Closet
13. File Under Soft Core Seizures
14. Practiced Hatred
15. Psst! Is That A Halfie In Your Pants?
16. The Half-Eaten Sausage Would Like To See You In His Office
17. Pulling The Christmas Pig By The Wrong Pair Of Ears
18. Can We Please Get Another Nail In The Coffin Of Culture Theft?
19. Your Mantel Disguised As A Psychic Sasquatch
20. Twenty-Three Lubed Up Schizophrenics With Delusions Of Grandeur
21. Captain Gaydar It's Time To Wind Your Clock Again
22. Priest With The Sexually Transmitted Diseases Get Out Of My Bed
23. Pickup Truck Full Of Forty Minutes

Comment number: 002929   Posted by: ColdForged on March 11, 2004 03:24 PM from IP: 66.152.60.98

No, you don't understand, "Branscombe Richmond" is a totally cool song title because he's the actor who plays the "native american" sidekick on the unforgettable Lorenzo Lamas TV show "Renegade." So, you see, it's hilarious is an unlaughing, post-modernic, ironic way. And please don't ask me how I know this.

Comment number: 002934   Posted by: Girlygirl on March 12, 2004 12:19 PM from IP: 69.3.84.169

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