Don't say it, people. I know you are thinking it, but I swear to all that is good and holy that I will go postal on the next person who tries to correct Skot. ^It's not as if you don't have ample opportunity anyways.^

The thing that irritates me about the Chevy commercials is this: What the fuck is "Hemi?"

The tampon ad where the woman plugs the leak in the boat with a tampon. What's the guy's problem? She plugs the leak with a little chunk of cotton and he looks at the thing like it's going to leap at him like the Killer Rabbit.

On the other hand, what's she doing with a jumbo box of the things in her purse out on that boat in the first place?

From the glossary of drag racing terms:

Hemi: A Hemi engine has a hemispherical shaped cylinder-head combustion chamber, like a ball cut in half.

Also, I loved Zoolander. Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller should make a million movies together!

(and see how good I was? I didn't even point out that Hemi is a Dodge thing, not Chevy... oops! I just did!)

Ahhhh . . . Dodge, Chevy. Whatever. Whatever monstrous beast it is, I'm still never going to buy one.

(This is me attempting not to feel stupid, even after straining to pay attention to the ads in the first place.)

The same company also has those retarded ads where the guys working at the fast food place pine lovingly for the Hemi truck.

What the fuck is the principle behind this crap? Impress the fast food drones?

And that couple is just beyond surreal. I don't understand the idea behind "Buy our truck, like these dipshits did".

I was at a baseball game last summer with a friend of mine and, noting the large Dodge Hemi ad in the outfield, she asked what the hell a Hemi was. I wasn't sure. Something to do with an engine, I said. She thought, in the earlier commercials, that the guys were asking about some kind of ham sandwich.

Has anyone else noticed the actual Chevy commercials with that ass who goes in to get a coffee and the "for sale" sign blows onto his truck and people swarm it and he has to shoo them away with his enormous penis?

I like Owen Wilson. He was in Bottle Rocket.

I like Owen Wilson. He was in Bottle Rocket.

Owen Wilson is a tool with a really annoying voice. And why does every Ben Stiller movie have to feature him doing something stupid in a bathroom?

I think the winner in the tampon-commercial category has to be the one (I believe it's for Pearls, which are a whole can of worms all their own) where the girl and guy are sailing a canoe that springs a leak, and the girl manages to plug the hole with the tampon whilst her beau is looking away. (Which is TOTALLY what I would do in that situation, am I right ladies?) When he looks back, his reaction is not, "What the hell is that, a fucking TAMPON!!???" but a knowing nod and smile at her female resourcefulness.
Gack.

Don't I feel silly now that I just noticed Chaz's comment. Actually even though I interpreted the guy's reaction as "Wow, what a genius! I'm not at all disturbed by the implications!", I kind of think that looking at the tampon "like it's going to leap at him like the Killer Rabbit." is a lot more realistic. Wouldn't you be a little, I don't know, taken aback by a girl whose first response to any mishap was a Tampax Pearl?

Actually, the wife in the Hemi ads is kinda hot in that "I'd-like-to-degrade-that-vengeful-cunt" sort of way. Maybe that's what they were going for.

"Hemi: A Hemi engine has a hemispherical shaped cylinder-head combustion chamber, like a ball cut in half."

That doesn't sound all that great. I think it's just the word HEMI. That sounds macho or something.

I can't wait to see the Hemi ads now. I love that I am a virgin to the ad so that when I do see it for the first time it will be through the jaded eyes of Skot's analysis.

Skot, I hate to point out that The Royal Tennenbaums was co-written by Owen Wilson.

So sorry.

The Royal Tennenbaums was also directed by Owen Wilson's brother... can't remember his name right now. I thought it was quite brilliant... but Magnolia did indeed suck.

Still, Skot, you're brilliant, and I forgive you for anything offensive, just because... er, well, just because you're damned funny.

We should all be a little less disturbed by women thinking "outside the box", so to speak, when using tampons to solve novel problems.

* Getting ready for bed--but out of cotton balls? Tampon!
* Out to dinner and spilled your iced tea? Tampon!
* No paper towels to dry your hands? Tampon!

If MacGuyver had carried a Swiss Army knife and tampons would be all be so coy?

The Royal Tennenbaums was also directed by Owen Wilson's brother... can't remember his name right now. I thought it was quite brilliant... but Magnolia did indeed suck.

Nah, it was by longtime Wilson Brothers cohort Wes Anderson, who also directed Rushmore and Bottle Rocket.

Skot! I like Magnolia! I want you to like it too. Save your venom for "My Life as a House of Sand and Fog!

I think it's just the word HEMI. That sounds macho or something.

This is funny because when that campaign first started and the billboards popped up everywhere I couldn't help but read "IT'S GOT A HEMI!" as "IT'S GOT A HEM!!"

(and see how good I was? I didn't even point out that Hemi is a Dodge thing, not Chevy... oops! I just did!)

You're extremely brilliant. We're all in utter awe of your immense brain, I tell you what.

I just spit coffee all over my monitor at the hungry cougar bit. I think the best truck commercial ever is the one in which the husband was raised by wolves.

I thought that tampon in the boat commercial broke new ground. No more euphemisms! Call a plug a plug.

Joel forgot the best emergency use for a tampon: stopping pesky nosebleeds.

"And this isn't very surprising, as the actors both come off as utterly repulsive people."

Now, now, tiger. I went to college with the woman who played wifey in this commercial and we were pretty good friends. she's great. and i know you're not making a comment on her as a person (right?) but i felt like i had to toss out a bit of a defense. i don't know anything about the guy in that commercial though so fuck him.

she's great. and i know you're not making a comment on her as a person (right?) but i felt like i had to toss out a bit of a defense.

Oh, of course not. I'm sure the actors are fine people. But the whole premise of the ads is totally baffling to me: "Dodge automobiles: For the deeply dissatisfied couple." The spots all just give me a stomach-ache, which I doubt is what Dodge was going for.

Wouldn't you be a little, I don't know, taken aback by a girl whose first response to any mishap was a Tampax Pearl?

In that situation? Not at all. "Hey, good thinking!" I'd be taken aback by her carrying two dozen around with her, though.

Just so long as she didn't go making angels out of her Tampax Pearls.

Wouldn't you be a little, I don't know, taken aback by a girl whose first response to any mishap was a Tampax Pearl?

In that situation? Not at all. "Hey, good thinking!" I'd be taken aback by her carrying two dozen around with her, though.

Just so long as she didn't go making angels out of her Tampax Pearls.

You're extremely brilliant. We're all in utter awe of your immense brain, I tell you what.

Wow! And I was just trying to be a smartass. I didn't realize I'd be producing awestruck masses as well. :P

I think the worst ad out there I've seen recently is the one for Wal-Mart (which makes it unforgiveable already) where the poor spotty kid who is too unskilled to get anywhere else is saying to the camera "These DVDs are so cheap, even I can afford them!"

Did Wal-Mart (who already has a horrible reputation as the worst kind of employer) stop to think about what that says? "Hey, these DVDs are so cheap even our horrendously underpaid EMPLOYEES can afford them! We're raping our own employees to save you 27 cents!"

I think the worst ad out there I've seen recently is the one for Wal-Mart (which makes it unforgiveable already) where the poor spotty kid who is too unskilled to get a job anywhere else is saying to the camera "These DVDs are so cheap, even I can afford them!"

Did Wal-Mart (who already has a horrible reputation as the worst kind of employer) stop to think about what that says? "Hey, these DVDs are so cheap even our horrendously underpaid EMPLOYEES can afford them! We're raping our own employees to save you 27 cents!"

Yes, I thought my comment was so good it bore repeating.