Links:


Write me:
skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com

Archives:
Tuesday, 01 July
The Magical Elevator Where Everybody Told The Truth

20th floor. Skot enters.

Skot: I just spent two hours doing no work at all.

19th floor. Former Frat Guy enters.

FFG: Hey.

Skot: Hey.

FFG: I've been looking at porn.

Skot: I'm going to the smoking gulag for a time-wasting cigarette.

FFG: I detest smokers.

Skot: You look like Abercrombie and Fitch threw up on you.

17th Floor. Pinched Middle-Aged Woman enters.

FFG: Hello. You wear so much perfume that I wonder if you will be carried off by bees.

PMAW: I'm sorry, I don't recognize other people's status as actual human beings.

Skot: I'm afraid I just farted.

FFG: It cuts the perfume.

PMAW: I need to make a call on my cell phone that could easily wait until I'm off this elevator.

14th Floor. Cheap Suit enters.

Skot: Hi. You have a cheap suit.

PMAW: I will tell you uninteresting things about my cats.

CS: The odd odors in this elevator are suppressing my urge to engage in frottage.

FFG: On more than one occasion, I have used the term "homo."

8th Floor. Acquaintance Girl enters.

AG: When we get to the smoking gulag, I will bother you with awkward banter that will only emphasize the tenuousness of our threadbare friendship.

Skot: I understand. I will feign interest in your awkward banter while manufacturing elaborate fantasies that involve your spectacular death.

FFG: I rarely have any real use for my pickup truck other than commuting.

PMAW: I am raising my voice on my cell phone conversation to indicate irritation with the other riders.

CS: I give nothing to charity, ever.

Garage Level.

PMAW: Goodbye. I wear too much pink.

CS: Goodbye. I'm going to drive in the carpool lane.

AG: On the way to the smoker's gulag, I will inquire about the one person we have in common, much like every other day.

Skot: I will make a dramatic show of being engrossed in my book in the vain hope that you will somehow take a hint.

FFG: Goodbye. I have a genuine interest in watching Everybody Loves Raymond.

Skot: I hate that I have to be civil to any of you, because I'm kind of a misanthropic asshole who imagines terrible things about people I doesn't know.

FFG: I think you're a homo.

(Exeunt.)


Note: Comments are closed on old entries.

Comments

Wow, that was great. I'm thinking it has potential as a short play.

Comment number: 001080   Posted by: Dave Adams on July 1, 2003 06:38 PM from IP: 66.139.99.153

And with a little work, possibly even a funny one!

Comment number: 001082   Posted by: TheBrad on July 1, 2003 07:13 PM from IP: 66.140.206.116

I wish I was still involved in that youth theatre group, I would make my students do that as a short play.

Comment number: 001083   Posted by: pretty_paranoia on July 1, 2003 07:17 PM from IP: 203.30.34.228


I am, not-quite-literally, laughing my ass off.

Comment number: 001085   Posted by: i on July 2, 2003 05:40 AM from IP: 138.88.33.142

Sounds very like a David Ives play, actually. (Not a particular play, just the kind of stuff he'd write.)

Comment number: 001086   Posted by: Vidiot on July 2, 2003 05:48 AM from IP: 64.236.180.94

Very funny, much like City of Truth - http://www.sff.net/people/Jim.Morrow/city.html

Comment number: 001087   Posted by: KFH on July 2, 2003 06:51 AM from IP: 64.240.63.198

Wow, I love the magical elevator of truth. No desire to enter it, but....

Comment number: 001088   Posted by: Bet on July 2, 2003 07:47 AM from IP: 12.34.246.38

I felt like I was reading a scene from Liar Liar Two, only funny.

Comment number: 001089   Posted by: KOTWF on July 2, 2003 08:11 AM from IP: 65.194.133.81

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! (take a breath) HAHAHAA!!!!! (snort, wipe tears from eyes)
HAAAAAAA!(grab stomach because it hurts from laughing so hard)
hahahaha.....haha....ha...........hmmmmmm.......... (cover mouth, attempt to regain composure - and then look so around to see the whole room staring at her)
-Everyone in the room is too damn boring and quiet.

Comment number: 001090   Posted by: emersonavenue on July 2, 2003 10:20 AM from IP: 216.161.137.14

When you have more time, please write-up a whole airplane.
You are here for us.
Thanks.

Comment number: 001091   Posted by: dayment on July 2, 2003 10:22 AM from IP: 66.167.53.14

City of Truth

Comment number: 001092   Posted by: dayment on July 2, 2003 10:32 AM from IP: 66.167.53.14

You're brilliant.

Comment number: 001093   Posted by: kath on July 2, 2003 01:02 PM from IP: 142.167.37.49

Hey, wow! I'd never heard of City of Truth. Thanks folks.

Comment number: 001094   Posted by: Skot on July 2, 2003 01:13 PM from IP: 140.107.120.123

Goddammit, make with the fucking writing, Skot! I just finished catching up with all the archives, and now -- gasp and shit oilfish -- there's no more. The cupboard is bare, fresh Izzle no es presente, I actually have to get to work.

Ideas? I dunno, elucidate on your clublike dong or something, I truly don't care. Create!

Comment number: 001095   Posted by: ColdForged on July 2, 2003 01:14 PM from IP: 66.152.60.98

Hurrah!

Comment number: 001097   Posted by: writingstatic on July 2, 2003 09:57 PM from IP: 203.134.168.146

I've just wasted a week reading blogs of people I don't care about because it's more interesting than my pathetic job responsibilities.

Comment number: 001098   Posted by: Purposeless Intern on July 3, 2003 08:03 AM from IP: 167.211.190.2

that gets 12g's on the giggle scale..normally rated only 1 to 10. 10 being best. thanks much

Comment number: 001119   Posted by: wlr on July 10, 2003 02:56 AM from IP: 209.124.224.33

Post a comment