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Friday, 27 December
I Wish You Could Experience My Exotic Meat

Tonight the fiancee (<--uh huh) and I are going to friends' to sample some "exotic meat"--that is, something that isn't beef, pork or chicken, basically. Our friends live near a store that somehow sells this stuff. So we're going to end up tucking into some damn punchline-meat, whether it be Emu, Elk or . . . I don't know. Emily Watson? Anything's possible.

Now of course I know that meat is basically meat, so why discriminate? But I do. I have a powerful urge, for example, to flee any room purporting to be serving turtle meat, and I can't say that I've got any kind of serious jones for rattlesnake, either. I know it's silly, but there you are.

(A brief aside to vegetarians, vegans, and PETA members: I really do respect your point of view. I just don't share it. Don't piss in my ear about it, okay? Thanks.)

And then there's stuff on there that I don't really think of as exotic at all. Lamb? Please. Rabbit? Eh . . . maybe. Venison? Well, I grew up in Idaho eating this stuff. Hey, kangaroo! That's pretty exotic. Some people might feel queasy about eating these cute little hoppers, but they just haven't seen the trailers for Kangaroo Jack yet. I predict a big run on this soon.

You know, that's how they could really market this stuff. Celebrity tie-ins!

Dennis Franz' American Buffalo: Cook and Eat This Fucking Meat, You Fuck!
Jerry Bruckheimer's Kangaroo Jack: Buy Some Meat And Receive 1 Free "Get Out of Theater" Pass
Kevin Spacey's Albino Alligator: It Bites!
Danny Bonaduce's Partridge Family: Please, Please Just Buy Some

I think this could work.


Note: Comments are closed on old entries.

Comments

serious jones for rattlesnake

MNFE.

Comment number: 000208   Posted by: TheBrad on December 27, 2002 10:58 PM from IP: 64.218.91.31

The local diner here serves ostrich burgers. Personally, I don't want to know.

Kangaroos are cute. Maybe they do taste good. If you catch one, let me know.

Comment number: 000209   Posted by: rickie beth on December 28, 2002 06:19 AM from IP: 170.224.224.38

Just say it out loud:

Vegetarians suck!

:-)

Comment number: 000210   Posted by: Ruben on December 28, 2002 01:30 PM from IP: 62.166.36.19

The ninja locusts sent me over here to tell you that the é in fiancée is &eacute;

Comment number: 000211   Posted by: zempf on December 28, 2002 01:56 PM from IP: 24.95.88.10

Ampersand-e-acute-semicolon? With all due locust-respect, it's so much less of a pain in the ass to just not worry about it.

Comment number: 000212   Posted by: Skot on December 28, 2002 04:30 PM from IP: 63.187.241.123

The ninja locusts (who are, as it happens, big fans of izzlepfaff.com) do not believe that accents are required in English, even for words that are clearly of French derivation. Furthermore, they, um, encourage Mr. zempf not to make trouble in their name.

Comment number: 000213   Posted by: anapestic on December 29, 2002 08:13 PM from IP: 207.172.11.147

*pisses in Skot's ear*

You know, just 'cos.

Comment number: 000215   Posted by: sen on December 31, 2002 01:19 PM from IP: 208.27.203.128

oh shit...we might have the same name, how's that grab ya?

(I know my website's last name is conway, but really, it's Pfaff...and people call me Emlizzle, izzle...)

Comment number: 003239   Posted by: Emily Pfaff on May 19, 2004 09:42 PM from IP: 69.162.205.146

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